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Opening Bell: 02.09.09

Wells Fargo Advertisement Tells Huddled Masses To Get Bent (Reuters)
There's something fundamentally embarrassing about having to watch your industry recoil in terror like a puppy in a Chinese market every time someone finds something to rail about: after a while your eyes just get glazed over and you stop paying attention. Wells managed to not only find their balls on this one, but shared their testicular fortitude with the world in the form of an ad that chastises (politely) the general public and press for quick judgment on something they know very little about: how this banking shit works.
UBS Not Killing Investment Bank Completely (Bloomberg)
The Swiss tax specialists wanted to take a minute to remind you all that they're not bowing out of the Investment Banking business, yet. That will be all.
Goldman Chief Calls For Stricter Accounting Controls (FT)
"Lloyd Blankfein, Goldman Sachs' chief executive, has called for banks to adopt more stringent accounting practices, accept tougher regulation and give greater power to risk managers, in a trenchant analysis of the causes of the financial crisis and how they might be remedied.
In an article for Monday's Financial Times, as the Obama administration prepares to rewrite the rule book governing the US banking industry, Mr Blankfein outlines seven areas of misdemeanour - ranging from "complexity [getting] the better of us" to the "outsourcing of risk management" to ratings agencies."
The Treasury Pushes Announcement (Reuters)
Our favorite Alexander Hamilton wannabes have decided to push the announcement of the-next-big-deal to Tuesday at 11.
Government Looking At Ways To Circumvent Contract, Collect Money Ahead Of Private Enterprises (Bloomberg)
The government is all but admitting to seeking bankruptcy for automakers on this one, and they way in which their doing is really rather ominous for banks.
"General Motors Corp. and Chrysler LLC may have to be forced into bankruptcy by the U.S. government to assure repayment of $17.4 billion in federal bailout loans, a course of action the automakers claim would destroy them.
U.S. taxpayers currently take a backseat to prior creditors, including Citigroup Inc., JPMorgan Chase & Co. and Goldman Sachs Group Inc., according to loan agreements posted on the U.S. Treasury's Web site. The government has hired a law firm to help establish its place at the front of the line for repayment, two people involved in the work said last week.
If federal officials fail to get a consensual agreement to change their place in line for repayment, they have the option to force the companies into bankruptcy as a condition of more bailout aid. The government would finance the bankruptcy with a so-called "debtor in possession" or DIP loan, a lender status that gives the U.S. priority over other creditors, said Don Workman, a partner at Baker & Hostetler LLP."
Barclays Beats Forecasts, Cuts Bonuses (Reuters)
"Barclays ... said bonus payments across the bank would almost halve for 2008 as it reported a 14 percent drop in annual profit and said it faces a tough year ahead.
Its profit beat expectations, however, and the bank's shares jumped over 7 percent in early trading on Monday."

Blackstone Leader Leaves (FINalternatives)
"Bruce Amlicke has resigned as chief investment officer of Blackstone Alternative Investment Management's fund of funds division to spend more time with his family, The Wall Street Journal reports. Amlicke will remain with Blackstone for a transition period of a few months; his position will not be filled.
Amlicke has been with Blackstone since 2004, overseeing its 116-member fund of funds team."