When I Say "Dance, Puppets," You Dance

Author:
Publish date:

And when I say "shoot this poison into your face," you shoot this poison into your face. Or don't, it's really your call. Only those of you interested in finding/keeping a job should listen. You wanna be a working girl, boys? You're going to have to start acting like one. In a fabulous piece of service journalism today, the Financial Timessuggests that you, my little boy(girl)s, hightail it to the nearest plastic surgeon and get yourselves some Botox.
According to Peter Burling gainful employment is all about "look[in] good-- fresh and bright" and not "tired and stressed out." And if you don't think your competition is already there, how wrong you are. By cosmetic surgeon Cap Lesesne's estimate, "There are definitely more business guys coming in and they have very focused demands. They are worried about their job futures and their professional longevity. [Typical male patients] might be in their mid-forties. They're fairly successful and they're looking to work into their sixties." And if you really want to guard against joining the unemployment line, start dressing like a total whore, and remember, no one ever lost their job, or didn't get a call back, for accidentally shoving their breasts in the boss's, or interviewer's face.
Use the photo above as a guide, Men of Dealbreaker. That should be you on the left.

Related

Not Everyone Convinced Former Trader Meant "It Wasn't A Question Of If I Was Going To Kill You, Just Of When" In A Figurative Sense

A year or so a go, commodities trader Vincent McCrudden was arrested for some things he put on a company website and some emails he sent out. The former involved an "execution" list containing the names of a handful of financial regulators, which he asked readers to aid him in crossing off ("I need your help," he wrote. "There are just too many for me alone"). The latter included an email to a CFTC staffer that noted: “You fucking corrupt piece of shit! I have let so many of you fucking corrupt mother fuckers off the hook for doing this to my life. You my friend are not getting away with this. I am going to do this my way now and you, you corrupt mother fucking piece of shit are the first on my list! laugh mother fucker…I am going to make you a test case!” To that end, the chief operating officer of the NFA was told, “It wasn’t ever a question of ‘if’ I was going to kill you, it was just of when." Were these emails particularly colorful? Yes. Should anyone who received them (or had their name placed on The List) been actually worried about losing his/her life? McCrudden could see how maybe things might have been interpretted that way, but no. As he told a judge, “I wrote provocative language on my website that could have been perceived as threatening. I would never intentionally hurt or cause bodily harm to another human being." And yet, this is still happening: Vincent P. McCrudden, a former New York commodities trader, was sentenced to two years and four months in prison for threatening to kill federal financial regulators. McCrudden, 51, who pleaded guilty last year, was sentenced today by U.S. District Judge Denis R. Hurley in federal court in Central Islip, New York...McCrudden said he was being persecuted for fighting back against unfair regulatory actions that destroyed his career. In addition to trading commodities, he ran his own hedge funds...McCrudden’s legal and regulatory entanglements began in 2000, when he was criminally charged with masking shortfalls in statements to his hedge-fund investors. The government said he included in his results money he expected to get from a lawsuit after Sumitomo Corp. (8053) was accused of manipulating the copper market. Ex-Trader McCrudden Gets 28 Months in Prison for Threats [Bloomberg]