Bernie Madoff Just Can't Catch A Break

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Not only will none of you shell out a measly $100 grand for the honor of having him watch over you while you sleep, but now a bunch of punks are calling bull shit on the $50 billion figure, claiming it's more like $20B, if that. Where they get off calling him a liar is unclear, but that's not even the worst of it. Some assholes are actually questioning the extent to which people want to kill the Ponz. master. Granted, the skeptismos have spent their adult lives palling around with terrorists, so their danger meter may need to be re-calibrated, but still. This is a serious blow to morale at Camp Bernie.

In Madoff's case, the portrayal of him as a monster-size fraudster has led to enough fears about his safety that it was his lawyers who first sought 24-hour protection for him while he remains under house arrest.
Some of the heat has even fallen on his lawyer, Ira Sorkin, who said he has referred two death threats against himself to the FBI and has been subjected to more than a dozen vicious e-mails and phone calls.
Ron Kuby, a lawyer who in the 1990s once represented a blind Egyptian sheik charged with trying to overthrow the U.S. government, said the threats come with the territory.
''I'm sorry. I'm playing the world's smallest violin,'' he said. ''I used to get hundreds of those. I got actual letters, hundreds of them, and phone calls saying lovely things like, 'I'm sorry Hitler missed you.'''

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Lehman Brothers alum Jonathan Hoffman knows what we're talking about.