BNP Paribas: You'll Get Your Bonus...When Parisienne Pigs Fly

So! Big producers at BNP Paribas will be getting paid essentially nothing this year, but do not fear, because there's a convenient excuse for why. The banks' higher-ups are apparently telling employees that they wanted to give out huge bonuses, but they can't because Obama said people on Wall Street make too much money (which, sure, he did, but on what planet should that stop anyone?). There will be no cash whatsoever to speak of, though there will be payment in the form of some "esoteric paper" distributed over four years if and only if the ROI is 18 percent or more (JK...JK they're actually serious).