Let's do this.
1:26PM: Yes, Kanjorski, YES. "The signs of demonstration [which read, among other things, "Fire Geithner"] are to remain down or be removed. I'm a very patient person but don't test my patience. The Pink Ladies' signs are to remain down or leave the room. SIGNS DOWN!"
Kanjorski and Liddy had a "great meeting" in Kanjanx's office two or three months ago. Then, a couple weeks ago, a "not so good phone call."
Kanjorski wants to make it clear that Liddy is basically not being paid to do the worst job in the world, which Paulson forced him to do, since he knows Lid's family has probably endured a lot of abuse by people who don't get that. Awww.
"We do not intend to harass you." Oh, thinkin' of a few Reps who beg to differ.
"On the other hand..." (there it is).
1:31PM: Kanjorski says Lids should've broken the contracts, the worst that would've happened was a penalty fee (which, by most accounts, would've cost more money than the actual bonuses).
Kanjorksi plans to "slap the gavel" as much as necessary to silence, among others, the batshit insane ladies in pink in the back.
1:34PM: Opening remarks by Liddy. Read along here.
1:41PM: "We've been working on this issue of what to do with the retention bonuses. We--I-- came to my decision based on two factors: risk assessment, and following legal advice. There is still $1.6 trillion of stuff in that portfolio, which could still explode [and we need those people to help us with the wind-down...I know $165 million is a very large number. In the context of $1.6 trillion, we thought it was a good trade." According to Liddy, Fed Chairman Bernanke knew about the bonuses. Liddy: There's no intent to do anything under the stealth of darkness, or cover. We've been talking about this with the Federal reserve for at least three months. Kanjorski: And the Treasury? Liddy: No. We talk to the Fed, and they go the Treasury. [I don't know what's happening over here, but we're feeling sorry for Liddy, who legitimately sounds and looks like a wounded puppy or something, scared that Kanjorski's going to hit him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.]
1:54PM: Do it, Kanjorksi. GET ANGRY. "You've tried my patience. The signs are going to be removed from the room or you'll be removed from the room. Which is it gonna be? [the signs, apparently] Officers, remove the signs. If I see one more sign on camera, you're going to be physically removed from the room."
Barney Frank does not want you to show us your tits. "Mr. Kanjorkski, I'm just glad no one was wearing the message on a t-shirt." [They actually were wearing the messages on t'shirts, but go with it. Laughter erupts from the audience. That's what this is about, people. Gotta be able to laugh about this stuff]
1:58PM: Liddy says the only bonuses that've gone out are retention bonuses.
Frank wants the names of executives who got bonuses, then left AIG, and didn't give them back.
Liddy says he'll turn the names over if he has the assurance they'll remain confidential.
Frank says fuck that shit, I won't agree to that, and if you won't give them to me, I'll subpoena them.
Liddy wants to comply but is worried about the safety of the individuals, reads an excerpt from a letter received by AIG from sick classless scumbags that says, "AIG executives should be executed with piano wire around their necks....if we have to we'll take it into our own hands...we want all the CEOs names, their kids, where the live, etc."
Frank: I get those kinds of threats all the time.
2:11PM: Chuckles Ackerman suggests the $165 million get paid back, now, cause there's legislation coming down the pipe called "We Can't Believe It's Not Waterboarding."
2:21PM: Once again, the names of the individuals receiving bonuses are requested, with Liddy again asking that they remain confidential (since, you know, people and their children have been threatened with decapitation by piano wire) which shouldn't be that difficult to comply with, unless you're on a witch hunt or something. Not that anyone in the Rayburn building would know anything about that.
We need to lighten things up in this piece, starting with this:
2:25PM: Rep. Michael Capuano starts off calm, but you know that's just to lure us in and then unleash the "girl scout cookie mother theresa you motherfuckers, i don't have anything to say but I was told I'd get the five minutes" waiting to come out.
"Did you suspect this'd touch a nerve?"
"Do you believe in your heart of hearts this is right?"
"Are you going to fire anyone next week? Next month?" I'll go in there and do it myself if I have to.
"You're apparently the only good person left on Wall Street"
Liddy: "I assure you there are other good people working at AIG. You would be proud of them."
Capuano: "No, I wouldn't."
[Liddy legit looks like he's about to cry.]
Caps was the letdown of the week, so we're gonna have to take a few moments with this:
2:54PM: Rep. Jeb Hensarling was up all night trying to come up with an idea for the bonuses that would make for a good sound bite. Here's what he's got-- "Why don't you do double or nothing on these bonuses, Mr. Liddy? If AIG returns to profitability, they got double, if not, nada." Cute, but I think we've got this covered, if only someone would have the pair to suggest it today.
Via Dealbook, the AIG bonus contract:
A.I.G.'s Employee Retention Plan
2:59PM: Rep. Stephen Lynch reads the bonus contract, which was apparently a violation of fiduciary duty, by Liddy, who was the captain of a sinking ship that saved himself and his crew. The aptly named Lynch wants to know if Liddy has anything to say for himself. He does!
Liddy: "You've liberally made use of the word, 'you,' but perhaps you should note that I didn't write this contract" and then proceed to GTFO! "So, yeah, I find your insinuation a li'l offensive."
Lynch: "Good, offense was intended." (Also, Lynch was a contract lawyer, so don't you dare try to pull a fast one on him or he'll cut a bitch.)
3:09PM: Rep. Brad Miller would like to know if, when the contracts were being drafted, Liddy's lawyers told him that AIG was an insolvent pile of garbage and should be looted accordingly.
Liddy: Hi, are you just joining us? I WASN'T THERE WHEN THESE CONTRACTS WERE WRITTEN. Knock-knock. Who's there? I DIDN'T. I didn't who? I DIDN'T WRITE THESE CONTRACTS.
Intermission, back in an hour. What do you think Lids will do during the break?