The Cult Of The Beard

Publish date:
Updated on

Yep. He's back. As usual, we listen so you don't have to.
There he is! There he is! Oh no, now his wife bleached his tie accidentally.
Wyden: Well, the Chairman was otherwise occupied (fly fishing), so I'm going to grandstand for a little while. Look, we want some damn good news, so get to it. CNBC's ratings suck. How do you like that? Let me quote a little Buffett (I'll avoid the reference to VD). You need to get more people borrowing. We need more debt. Get to it!
Gregg: So is the debt going to just screw us or what?
Beard: I know, let's talk about the new cool BARFTARF program that we invented the other day. After that, my long, mind numbing recitation of figures like non-core inflation and durable goods orders will defeat your weak Grandstand-Fu! Since I am reading my prepared statement, none of your questions will be answered. Hah!
Gregg: How long are we going to be breastfeeding AIG?
Beard: The situation is fluid.
Gregg: Why can't you tell us who AIG is pouring money to? Who are the counterparties? I want names. We are here for the names.

[crackle] *whisper* "Yes, sir. Yes, sir, I'm right behind him. Yes, it's loaded. Yes, sir. No names. I understand. Yes, sir."
Beard: Hey, these people didn't do anything illegal. So shut it.
[crackle] *whisper* "No, sir. All clear. He held up."
Gregg: The Fed better come clean. We don't take crazy risks like AIG up in Oregon, let me tell you.
Graham: How much can we actually borrow?
Beard: Well, 100% of GDP is a bit unhealthy. Let's not do that.
Graham: What's a zombie look like, Mr. Chairman?
Beard: Decaying. Missing eyeball. Smells of rot. You know.
Graham: So, is AIG a zombie?
Beard: No.
Graham: If AIG is not a zombie, what is?
Beard: I don't know...?
Sanders: Hey, who'd ya lend the $2.2 trillion to? Will you tell us?
Beard: No.
Sanders: Do you have to be a big, greedy reckless financial institution to borrow that money?
Beard: Basically.