Will Cause Great Question....

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We started watching the latest episode of "The Safecracker" and intended to begin live blogging it, but we were transfixed immediately by the undulating waves on his Crackness' forehead. Branded there like a quantum interference pattern, emanating from the twin slits of two Pink Floydesque eyebrows, as the single photons of bailout are at once reducing the cost of home ownership, and reflating asset prices in his brain. Excuse us for a few minutes while we gaze upon the physical paradox of the forehead wrinkles in time.
Maxine Waters has jarred us out of our contemplation of the great cosmic order with her particularly insane brand of chaos theory.
Waters: Mr. Geithner, your CEO is from Goldman Sachs?
The Safecracker: My CEO?
We wonder, who is the CEO of the Treasury? Who is the boss of you, Your Crackness?
Waters: The talk is, that this small group of decision makers at the center of it is Goldman Sachs because people are thinking or believing that Goldman Sachs, because of the connections, is having a lot to do with the decisions are being made. (phew) We believe that Goldman Sachs will again be one of those that will be the beneficiary.
The Safecracker: I think it is deeply unfair to suggest that Goldman Sachs is a den of poisonous, bloodsucking vipers.
Carolyn Maloney: I'm doing a study on failure. You know, I have a PhD in fail. Yes it was from the University of Phoenix, but I think we all know they are the foremost authority on fail. Can you give me the government analysis that determined that Lehman should fail? The death warrant. You know? The fail warrant?
Beard: What? Uh, sure. I'll look.
Bachmann: Mr. Chair, can I have an answer on my inane and misguided question?
His Frankness: No, you can go pound salt.
Jenkins: How much more money is AIG going to need?
Dudley: We have no fucking clue.

Castle: So Dodd is fucked on this bonus language. How about you? Are your fingerprints on that?
The Safecracker: I wore a tie today.

Ackerman: Those AIG traitors should have returned twice their bonuses. Greed is the problem. We need to legislate away greed. Greed plus innovation is very dangerous. Let's kill them both. My white carnation is the new yellow bracelet. It stands against greed. And intelligence. I couldn't figure out how to put it into my button hole so I just stapled it onto my suit.
Royce: I lost my jacket in the morning Congressional poker game.
Sherman: I cannot believe we are letting this populist uproar to fade. How are we going to get this back roaring? Geithner, you. How about you publish the current and future salary info on all the TARP recipients? Are you going to give us the chart? Or are you going to hide the ball?
The Safecracker: I am not going to hide the ball
Sherman: So are you going to give us the chart?
The Safecracker: I'll think about it.
Sherman: So you're not?
The Safecracker: I said I would think about it.
Sherman: What the hell is Cash-Carry (your quarterback) still doing running the compensation standards? When are we going to get regs to prevent anyone anywhere from making a million dollars ever?
Lucas: So, investors are going to make millions on this bailout?
The Safecracker: The taxpayer too.
Lucas (puzzled look): Hmmmph.
Meeks: Should we regulate credit default swaps?
The Safecracker: Let me uncork my standard, bottled speech on central clearinghouses.
Meeks: Are Wall Street jobs going to head to London now that we've threatened these employees with dismemberment and death?
The Safecracker: Uh... maybe.
Paul: We didn't have capitalism. We had the Federal Reserve messing up the entire system. (Lather, rinse, repeat. x4). Didn't we have too much government here? Who's to blame. Market, or crony capitalism?
Beard: I don't blame capitalism. Panics are a reality.
Moore: The Inspector General of TARP believes that taxpayer exposure is near $3 trillion. What the hell?
The Safecracker: That figure is the total loan figure. You'd have to assume a total loss for that to be realized. And that is never... going... to... ever... happen... I'm... totally... serious.
Lynch: Let's sue AIG for these bonuses. Isn't this a fraudulent conveyance?
The Safecracker: We are looking very carefully at all legal avenues to go back and see if we can get these back. I can't tell you today that we've found a way to do it. But we are on it.
Beard: We'll check. I hope we can.
Dudley: We'll try.

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