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You Have One Hour

Anyone who frequents this here site knows that on any given day, they're going to find some jokes at Steve Cohen/the SAC community at large's expense. Given. Have we suggested that he shoots employees with hourly injections of high fructose corn syrup in order to get that "get up and go" out of them? Yes. Have we let it slip that Gary Busey was hired as a portfolio manager on a whim after meeting at a holiday party, where The Buse was manning the shrimp puff platter? Sure. Did we make public his wounded sense of pride at the idea of being out-toileted by a fellow Greenwich resident, and then accidentally mention that he put his best men on a special task force to shut that shit down? You betcha. Did we divulge the firm's new pay for performance plan, wherein pay = one free ride around the building atop the Zamboni? Of course, more than once. Do we regularly give out the office's main line for people "lookin' for a good time"? You know the answer to that.
But, as previously stated, our gentle ribbings are offered up out of LOVE, not hate. We are laughing (with/at) SAC, not (at/with) them. You don't have to dig too deep to figure that out. Nobody feels the same way about the big guy as we do, which is why we feel obligated to be the ones today to say, WTF?

Before we let you in on what we're fucking, a couple things. 1) We love ourselves some Bethany McLean, and realize she probably had no part in the hideousness we're about to object to and 2) The Vanity Fair article itself was great. But there's a reason we only read VF for the articles, and here's what: to whoever in god's name came up with the illustrations, specifically the one "depicting" SC, you, kemo sabe have gone too far. (We're not happy with the Ben Biffen pic, either, but all that really did was make him look like a mopey teenager.) An apology would be nice, a sheet cake large enough for the entire office necessary, but not sufficient. Tell us, DB, how can VF complete the kiss and make-up gift basket for S(A)C?