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Guess The Dow

The market looks so whacky to us that we cannot resist. Another installment of Guess The Dow is at hand.
This time, a twist. Not only must you be the closest to the Dow's close without going under (reverse Price Is Right rules) but you must include a reason (plausible or otherwise) for the index's performance with your entry.
The wheel is closed to betting 10 minutes before the bell. In the event of a tie we will award to the earlier entry.
Update: 8083 makes undisputed Guess The Dow champion "guest" the winner with this entry: "8090 - free pretzel day at the AMEX."