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How To Make People Suspect Your Business (And Life In General) Is A Sham

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So, I guess it's entirely possible that Danny Pang, the subject of an insanely long profile in today's Wall Street Journal is a stand-up individual running a completely legit private equity business. Perhaps, what with all the Madoffs and the Stanfords popping up of late, the whole thing is actually an elaborate cooperative attempt between the Private Equity Management Group founder and writer Mark Maremont to provide a service guide to the investing community. Like, on shit to not do if you're trying to avoid having your name in the press in conjunction with "massive scam." Stuff like:
- Straight up telling the president of your firm, the PEMGroup, that "part of the enterprise is involved in a Ponzi scheme."
- Being married to a woman who is mysteriously murdered in such a fashion that people think you paid a guy to show up at your house and shoot her.
- Putting Morgan Stanley on your resume (you were a "senior vice president and senior high-tech merger adviser") and then not taking the extra precaution to blackmail John Mack into corroborating the story.
- Telling people you received a number of degrees from the University of California, Irvine, but then not being able to produce proof of said degrees, and not making sure to get the school on the horn before they tell the Wall Street Journal the only person named Danny Pang on their records was enrolled for just a semester.
- Stealing $3 million from an escrow account while working at a venture capital firm called Sky Capital Partners in the mid-90s, and, when confronted by your boss, shrugging and telling him, you "just needed the money."
- Making partners in the PEMGroup like, say, Hiep Trinh, suspicious by offering "improbable claims" about your wealth and lying to outside investors about how the two of you go way back to college, without clearing the story with him first
- Being on the phone all day making bets with bookies
- Allowing "tough-looking men" to drop by the office during business hours "all the time"
- Entertaining prosties on the company dime
- Taking $15 million in investor funds and buying yourself a Gulfstream IV
- Flying a bunch of girls from work to Vegas, and on the return flight, not sufficiently drugging up onlookers so that they wouldn't be able to give an eye-witness account that you: "had a briefcase stuffed with cash and...started throwing money to the girls, stacks of $10,000. I thought it wasn't right to treat the girls from the office that way, like we were pimps and gamblers." And taking pics!

- Directing employees to "create a phony documents" and then not taking the necessary steps to make sure they don't talk.
- In a moment of weakness, feeling the need to get something off your chest, inviting a partner into your office and going, "Nasar, I want you to know we are in a Ponzi scheme." But quickly adding that you'll "fix the problem" by "doing well on another investment" is a good idea.
- Once accused of perpetrating a massive scam, pulling your company's website. NEVER pull the website.