How Your Stress Test Sausage Gets Made: Questions Include But Not Limited To 'What Is Pandit's Inseam?'

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As previously mentioned, regulators have told Bank of America and Citi they need to raise more capital, "insinuations" (Lewis's drunken words, not ours) with which the firms take issue and plan to appeal. Not to give the banks any credit, but on some level, you have to feel for them, in light of what they're dealing with:

During that process, executives have griped that examiners were demanding detailed information from every corner of the sprawling organization, consuming thousands of man-hours without briefing anyone on what the government was looking for, according to people familiar with the matter.
The regulators are asking "a million questions" and it's "very unclear what they're aiming at," one senior executive said earlier this month. "We can't discern a pattern."
Some bank executives have said that even after meeting with Fed examiners on Friday, they still don't understand details of the government's methodology for conducting the tests.

On the one hand, perhaps the government is being purposely vague about what they're looking for ("top secret mission" and somesuch). On the other, more likely hand, regulators have no idea what they're trying to "ascertain"-- which they refuse to admit, as any good corrupt cop would-- and are just breaking into the place and shoving random employees into broom closets and asking questions that have nothing to do with anything like "Who's your urinal cake distributor"** and then telling the interrogatee (the first second year analyst they happened to cross paths with upon entering the joint) to "Shut up, no, answer the question, I SAID SHUT UP."
Also included in the "process" are unannounced building break-ins (unnecessary as they could've just used the front door), and sealings off of Ken Lewis's office, which he's forced to stand outside of, just beyond the yellow tape, while a bunch of guys rifle through his drawers, every so often going "Found it!" (an ah-ha! moment that has nothing to do with the stress test but just unbridled glee at having stumbled upon one of the many (half empty) bottles of Boone's K to the L has stashed around the place).
*And it's not like they can mouth off, since it's the government.
**This actually isn't a good example, as the various answers are way more telling than you'd think. That's all I can say about that at this time.

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