Jake DeSantis Ruining F U Letters For All

Author:
Bess Levin
Updated:
Jan 14, 2019
Original:
Apr 13, 2009

You've just taken 5,000 words to tell your employer where he can shove it, on the pages of the New York Times no less. What do you do next? Keep working for him, of course. Thought Jake "Dear AIG, I Quit!" DeSantis had left the building? Think again! The Journal reports/reminds (for those of us who didn't make it through the whole good-bye letter**) that the AIG-Financial Products executive vice president continues to toil away.
According to AIG-FP head Gerry Pasciucco, DeSantis is merely there "short term as the commodity business he works on is resolved," and sure, he probably had some sort of a contract to uphold* but shouldn't that have been thought out beforehand? You can't be telling someone to go fuck him or herself, audibly announce for all to hear that you're leaving and then add, "as soon as I finish my commitments."
We're not asking that you kick the water cooler over and burn the place down on your way out (we're not not asking that either), but this sort of behavior is just completely unacceptable. Not necessarily because it makes you look like a pussy (though it does, and that should be considered) but because it threatens to ruin kiss off letters for the rest of us.
If you're not comfortable going before the job is done (which, really, at this point, who cares, just go), then at least time the big speech to just after you've wrapped things up. Then grab your fish and whichever secretary will come with you and get the hell out of there.
*Like employerfather, like employeeson.
**Yes, in the (very last paragraph) of the letter, JD writes "I'll continue over the short term to help make sure no balls are dropped, but after what's happened this past week I can't remain much longer" but the sentiment remains, as does the self-righteous judgment emanating from the Dealbreaker office over DeSantis' decision to leak the letter, and be complicit with the headline "I Quit" when that's not exactly the case.

News

As you may have heard, earlier this afternoon, Facebook priced its initial public offering at $38/share, valuing co-founder Eduardo Saverin's stake at approximately $2.9 billion. Since Saverin conveniently renounced his US citizenship last week, he will avoid paying millions in capital gains taxes and hang on to an estimated $67-$100 million that would have otherwise gone to the government, news that did not sit right with Chuck Schumer. Did the Senator from New York call the guy a "piece of shit miscreant"? No. Did he send him an email that included the line, "fuck with me and you will have a huge asshole"? No. But Schumer was inspired to create draft legislation aimed at tax-dodging ex-pats like Saverin and to let the kid know he makes him sick. Democratic Sens. Chuck Schumer (N.Y.) and Bob Casey (Pa.), who called Saverin's decision "despicable," said the Facebook co-founder stands to save $67 to $100 million in taxes by renouncing his citizenship. "Senator Casey and I have a status update for him: pay your taxes in full," Schumer said at a press conference on Capitol Hill. Their so-called "Ex-PATRIOT Act" would impose a mandatory 30 percent tax on American investments for those who renounce their citizenship and would also prohibit individuals like Saverin from re-entering the country. The law -- which only applies to individuals with a net worth of over $2 million or an average income tax liability of at least $148,000 -- would not apply to non-American investments by former citizens. Under the proposed legislation, the IRS would decide soon after an individual relinquishes his or her citizenship if the renouncement was motivated by tax avoidance. The individual would then have the opportunity to provide reasons for the renouncement, but there would be a "strong presumption" the move was for tax purposes. "Mr. Saverin has decided to 'defriend' the United States of America just to avoid paying his taxes," Schumer said, showing his familiarity with Facebook's lingo. [NYP]

News

Imagine, if you will, that you are a stock-picking robot. You've put in the time, come up through the trenches, and have finally started to garner the respect you deserve. Investors are flocking to your fund, begging to put in as much money as you'll let them. People were wary at first, not sure what to make of your style, but you've finally proved to them you're the real deal. Life is good. Then some two-bit hacks come along and threaten to destroy everything you've worked for, sullying the reputation of legitimate stock-picking robots with the one they used as a front for their scam. Starting at the age of sixteen, the defendants, twin brothers Alexander John Hunter and Thomas Edward Hunter, developed an elaborate scheme to manipulate the prices of penny stocks at the expense of unwitting investors. The Hunters concocted and hyped the tale of a “stock picking robot” named "Marl" that they claimed could identify penny stocks that were poised to appreciate sharply in value. In their email newsletters and websites (doublingstocks.com and daytradingrobot.com), the defendants represented that the “robot” was a highly sophisticated computer trading program and the product of extensive research and development. The defendants’ story was persuasive. Approximately 75,000 investors, the vast majority of whom lived in the United States, paid at least $1,200,000 for annual subscriptions to the Doubling Stocks newsletter and copies of the robot software. In reality, the “stock picking robot” was a work of fiction. Did "Marl" come up with brilliant investment ideas based on painstaking research, meetings with management, and complex analysis? No, in fact he did not. Defendant Alexander John Hunter, in seeking bids to create the software in 2007, described the requirements for the software to freelance software coders as follows: Need a small software program which will appear to the user that once running it is analyzing thousands of penny stocks. Every so often, the software will find a stock, and a message will appear from the system tray, and on the program showing the ticker symbol. IMPORTANT: This software does not actually find stocks at all. It should connect to my database and simply request any new stocks I have put in. Basically this is almost a “fake” piece of software and needs to simply appear advanced to the user... To say nothing of the fact that his purported credentials were bold-faced lies. On their doublingstocks.com website, the defendants referred to the stock-picking robot as “Marl”, combining the first names of its purported inventors, Michael Cohen (“Cohen”) and Carl Williamson. On doublingstocks.com, the defendants claimed that Michael Cohen “developed the famous ‘Global Alpha’ computer stock trading model” as a contractor for the Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. (“Goldman Sachs”). The Global Alpha program, the defendants claimed, in “most years is responsible for $4,000,000,000+ Annual Trading Profit.” The defendants’ representations about “Michael Cohen” were false. No such employee or contractor worked in that capacity at Goldman Sachs. SEC Charges British Twin Brothers Touting "Stock Picking Robot" in Internet Pump-and-Dump Scheme [SEC] SEC v. Hunter Brothers [SEC]

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