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Spice Up The Stress Tests

So when we heard that the famous "stress tests" had three ranks, something dawned on us...

Sources told The Post that banks examined as part of the stress test are expected to be assigned one of three rankings: top tier institutions that are capable of operating even in the most dour conditions, those that aren't and those that fit somewhere in the middle.

...the rankings simply suck. That led us to an idea.
It is no secret that we consider you, our readers, Associates here at Dealbreaker. And, in keeping with recent efforts to find ways to value associates, we'd like to solicit your opinion in a way that permits you to share your feelings, make decisions and the like as it were. In fact, we think we are nicely tagging rules 3, 4, 5, 9, 10, 12, 15, 23, 30, 31, 32, 34, 40, 42, 44, 45, 50, 51, 54, 56, 66, 68, 71, 75, 80, 86 and 87 at the same time when we ask for your assistance here: Let's help the Treasury spice these up.
As we read it, the current grades are:

  1. Capable of operating even in the most dour conditions
  2. Somewhere in the middle
  3. Not capable of operating even in the most dour conditions

We think this can be improved upon. Perhaps:

  1. Excellent
  2. Average
  3. Poor

Or maybe:

  1. Exceeds expectations
  2. Meets expectations
  3. Citi

Bankers always love a good drinking metaphor, so maybe:

  1. Louis XIII
  2. Chopin Vodka
  3. Ken Lewis' Moonshine

You get the idea. If you do well, we'll consider invoking Rule 99. (We have to warn you though. Fail us and it's Rule 85 for everyone).
Stress Test Dud [The New York Post]