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Thomas Weisel: Get Your Asses To The Office (PS WFC Sucks)

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So, I realize that intolerance is a problem at all that jazz, but the below email is pretty global in its distaste for organized religion. And though it's sort of prickish, 'cause I'm sure you're all working as hard as you can, in spite of ourselves, we kind of dig it, in a tough love kind of way. Moving forward, we're going to suggest it be used as a form letter for anyone dealing with slacking employees. Swap out WFC for your bitch bank of choice (BAC, C, whatever you fancy. Ladies' choice).

From: [redacted]
Sent: Friday, April 10, 2009 10:38 AM
To: [redacted group]-Investment Banking
Everyone below the MD level --
We are an investment bank. Unless you are an orthodox something, please get into the office. We are getting paid minimum wage for a reason -- we are not making money, which is hard to do from home.
Join Wells Fargo and become a teller if you want to take bank holidays.
Managing Director
Investment Banking
Thomas Weisel


Bank Of America Makes Policy On Flashing Your Bare Ass At The Office Clear

Do you anticipate that at some point the future, in a moment of anger, you'll get the urge to unbuckle your belt, drop trou, and display your ass in the direction of your superiors? Do you hope to keep your job afterwards? If so, just a forewarning: Bank of America is not the company for you. Send a resumé to Citigroup or KKR or wherever. According to court documents, Jason Selch's friend Chris O'Dea was fired after he refused to accept lower compensation. This ticked Selch off. Selch burst into a conference room where executives from Columbia were meeting to give them a piece of his mind. He wound up giving them a piece of something else as well. First Selch asked if he had a non-compete agreement, which on Wall Street is usually a way of threatening to quit and go to work for a competitor. After the executives said he didn't have a non-compete, Selch mooned them, told one of the New York-based executives never to return to Chicago, and left the meeting. Extraordinarily, Selch wasn't fired. Instead he was issued a formal warning. Selch’s boss testified that while 99 percent of employees would have been immediately fired, Selch was one of the one percent who could be granted a one free mooning reprieve. The executive actually fought for Selch to keep his job. When Columbia CEO Brian Banks found out about this incident, he insisted that Selch be fired. The behavior was too “egregious” to allow Selch to continue at Columbia. No free mooning at Bank of America, Banks decided—even if you are in the one percent. The firing meant that Selch lost a multi-million contingent bonus package that would have vested if he had remained at the company a few months more. Because he was fired, Bank of America got the keep the money. Selch sued, arguing that firing him after issuing warning was a breach of contract...Last Wednesday, a three-judge appeals panel upheld the trial court, describing the mooning as “insubordinate, disruptive, unruly and abusive.” BofA Right to Fire Broker Who Mooned His Boss: Court [NetNet]

New Office Startup Wants To Punish Your For Sitting

And reward you for whaling on your pecs in between conference calls.