What Sort Of Refreshments And Special Services Should Ken Lewis Provide Wednesday To Appease Shareholders?

As previously mentioned, last week's annual Citi investor meeting was lacking in one very important item-- snacks. Much inkhas been spilled over the fact that the Big C failed to offer shareholders the standard coffee and (citi logo-frosted) cookies they've come to enjoy in years past, supposedly in a cost-cutting effort. But cutting the sugar and caffeine only saves so much (and even less when the sweets are being made not by a caterer but by Vikram himself), and costs much more when you factor in pissed of fractional owners, who were expecting the free goods.
In an obvious attempt to drop a hint, the Charlotte Observer today mentions the importance of laying food and drink on the table, two days before Bank of America's shareholder meeting and with plenty of time to make arrangements. Now more than ever, if he'd like to keep his job (and it's not entirely clear he does), Ken Lewis needs to make people happy. It goes without saying that investors like Jonathan Finger need to be stuffed with pastries but we're thinking Lewis needs to go further than your standard coffee and cookies spread. First off, he should be dressed up as a waitress, and, instead of up on the stage, removed from the people, down in the trenches, asking questions like, "Can I get you some pie, sugar?" If he hasn't already, he should start brewing enough moonshine to cover at least a few thousand, and he should also be coming up with special stuff to do in order to show shareholders how much he truly cares. Offering himself up for clownfacing,* yes, but what else? Let him know here.
*It'd be cathartic for a lot of people, I think.