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You Have Charlie Gasparino To Thank For The Image Of Ace Greenberg Trying To Dip His Wick In Something Sweet

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You know, we were fairly certain that the first time we wrote about octogenarian Ace Greenberg's sex life (by way of Barbara Walters' who was also banging Alan Greenspan at the time) was going to be the last. Thanks to Charlie Gasparino, not so! Perhaps taking his Italian deli meats beat a bit too literally, Gasparino's latest report involves the former Bear Stearns chairman attempting, unsuccessfully, to slip a BSC employee the salami. Sadly, Ace Not In The Hole was unsuccessful, and Jimmy Cayne was forced to pay off the girl to the tune of $2 million.

The allegations, which centered around "inappropriate touching," according to people with direct knowledge of the matter, didn't result in a lawsuit. Instead, reeling from the bad press of the firm's role in the burgeoning financial crisis, Cayne settled the matter with the woman, a much younger employee who worked in sales capacity, and who had initially demanded a much higher payment. The employee also claimed to have had a witness to this behavior. In an interview, the 81-year-old Greenberg said, "I can't comment on something as ridiculous as this." When given another opportunity to comment on either the unproven allegations or whether the payment was actually made, Greenberg said, "I'm not going to dignify" the matter with a response. He referred to the entire issue as "bullshit," and said my sources were "pathological liars."

Shockingly, JPMorgan, which every day must get down on its knees and thank god it paid the privilege to be saddled with "these people," declined to comment when Gasparino came a' calling. Regardless, and not to minimize sexual harassment, can't we all just come to the conclusion that of course this happened? In his last years at Bear, Greenberg was doing magic tricks and getting broken up over the fact that his puppy wasn't placing well in dog shows. Which is to say, he was dipping his toe in senility, if not jumping right in, and more than likely thought that stuff like, I don't know, pinching girls' asses on the floor still fell under the umbrella of "appropriate" touching, which it was when he first started at the firm, back in 1821.
Earlier: Barbara Walters Has Done 80 Percent Of Wall Street's Living Dinosaurs