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Meredith Whitney Offers Measured Hope To Brown Youth, Professes To Hate Coed Bathrooms

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Brown's latest alumni magazine stars cover girl Meredith Whitney.While the profile (by fellow alum and Fortune writer Jon Birger) is largely a bunch of facts any self-respecting Dollar Dominatrix acolyte would know (Double D received death threats for her October 2007 call on Citi, as a kid she had a paper route, she's married to wrestler JBL, she doesn't take shit or prisoners), there are a few pieces of news you can use. First off, and we're not certain who could best put this to use, but probably any banks looking to butter the girl up, she she's been dubbed "the most important Brown alum on Wall Street." Working that into conversation and referring to it as a "huge understatement" could probably get you far. To that end, if you've got her out the night before she's set to drop a bomb on your ass, note that she's nostalgic for something called "Thursday Funk Nights," and tempt her with whatever that entails (Vikram). Finally, for the children reading, do not fear (unless you were hoping to be rolling around in the sticky fifties, in which case, better luck next time):

Asked what advice she'd have for Brown students contemplating careers in finance today, Whitney answers that, even with the recession, there are entry-level jobs to be had on the Street. The key, Whitney says, is to pursue them for the right reasons.
"Take research," she says. "It's a great job to have because you get paid to learn. You learn about fascinating businesses, and you do so at a young age. Plus, it's a true meritocracy.
"But if all you're thinking about is going to Wall Street to make a lot of money, forget it. Wall Street will no longer be a place where three or four years out of college, you can be making $400,000 a year."


Meredith Whitney Is Returning To Her Roots

Running a hedge fund is out, making Citigroup wish it had never been born is (back) in.