Bernie's Life Behind Bars Doesn't Sound Like It'll Be That Bad

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Unless he gets the whole solitary confinement thing, which he probably won't, though it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world considering he's been looking for some quiet time for the last decade or so. According to prison expert Kirby Behre it's probably just going to be a lot of monotony, which will be boring but let's be honest-- he's a 71 and the alternative, had he not run into some legal troubles, would've been puttering around Boca with Ruth squawking in the background. With this new change in life plans, he'll be mixing it up, making friends and actually making money. Between 12 and 40 cents an hour, depending on the gig and its seniority! He'll also have the time to get in shape, since there'll probably be a walking track and basketball court, where you just know he'll be hustling guys twice his size on the regular. Finally, let us not forget that being thrown in the slammer will actually provide some measure of relief to Big B, who will be free, mentally-speaking, for the first time in his adult life, assuming that former employee wasn't just blowing smoke re: Ponz Boy being obsessed with symmetry and straight lines.

When Madoff was in the office, all window blinds had to be aligned at the same height, all computer screens had to be arrayed at the same angle and position, and on and on. So insistent was he on perfect alignment that, more than once, he dropped his trousers in the office -- startling female employees -- to ensure that the line of his shirt buttons was precisely vertical.

Of course, Bernie's obsessive need for cleanliness probably won't jibe with the less than spotless conditions of wherever he ends up, but presumably fellow inmates will have no problem dressing him up in a French maid costume and scrubbing on hands and knees.

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Harbinger Capital-Backed LightSquared: What If We Told You We Could Build A Wireless Network That Doesn't Kill People Via GPS Interference? Does That Sound Like Something You'd Be Interested In?

As many of you know, the last year or so has been a pretty tough one for Phil Falcone. In addition to a civil suit against him by Harbinger Capital investors, DWAI's on the home front, and the pesky matter of being charged with securities fraud by the SEC, which would like to see him banned from the industry, what's really been plaguing him has been the opposition encountered by LightSquared, his dream and the thing he's more or less staked all his and his investors' money on. Before it entered Chapter 11 bankruptcy in May, the most serious charge against the company was that while it may seek to create "convenient connectivity for all," in doing so, the odds are high it would GPS interference that would result in boats getting lost at sea; "degrade precision services that track hurricanes, guide farmers, and help build flood defenses"; and, according to the FAA, "cost 794 lives in aviation accidents over 10 years with disruptions to satellite-aided navigation." Now, four months later, the would-be wireless network has come back with a plan: LightSquared, but without all the bad parts (for now). Philip Falcone's LightSquared on Friday made a proposal to the Federal Communications Commission that the company hopes will solve the regulatory issues surrounding its wireless satellite network and help it build its business faster without abandoning its long-term goals...LightSquared filed to modify its license application so it can use its five megahertz of spectrum that haven't caused GPS worries. It also seeks to use another five that it would share with federal-government users. The other filing, a rulemaking petition, calls for LightSquared to forego using the "upper" 10 MHz that have caused GPS concerns. In the meantime, it still wants the FCC to consider use of that 10 MHz but agreed to wait for and cooperate with "operating parameters and revised rules for terrestrial use of this spectrum." Don't get them wrong, they *want* to use the stuff that's possibly GSP harmful, but in the meantime will be happy to use the stuff that isn't, if that works for everyone. LightSquared Proposes Sharing Wireless Network With Government [DowJones]