Charlie Gasparino Recommends Protein Shakes

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As previously mentioned, I had dinner last night with, among others, Charlie Gasparino. We dined at Campagnola, which was CG's pick, natch, as he has been going there for years, and the owners have a lax policy on unlicensed firearms and underage drinking. Before CG got there (he was taping Kudlow, who disappointingly did not join us), we did a little investigative reporting with the other regulars. Some blonde British lady who goes way back with CG very excitedly told us about the time a few years ago when Chaz had an altercation at Campagnola with Lance Armstrong. Apparently One Ball had appeared on CNBC earlier that day to discuss his sponsorship of a mutual fund and Charlie brought up the matter of doping rumors, which did not please Lance, and there was a bit of an on air tiff.
Coincidentally they both ended up at the restaurant that night, and friend insisted on introducing Chaz to OB, who pointed his finger in Gaspo's face and said, "You're an asshole." At first Charlie was (suspiciously) apologetic and told Lance how great he was "on the tube" and what an ace guest he was at handling CG's tough line of questioning. But Lance was having none of it, and continued to insist that no, Charlie was an asshole, that everyone on CNBC is an idiot and that he'd never do the show again. Charlie then told OB that he was sure CNBC could get someone else to come on his place and to have "a shitty fucking dinner."
We were also regaled, by Sal the maitre d', with a story about Chaz coming in for a drink a couple weeks after BSC went down for the dirt nap, and having a table full of Bear guys get up in his grill and make claims he was a two-bit reporter. Things got "openly hostile." Gasps told them "I feel bad if you lost your job but I was just doing my job." They continued tell CG how much he sucked, to which he finally responded, "Any time, anywhere, I don't care how many of you there are." Boom. Done.
I couldn't recall this morning what Gaspo had ordered but was reminded by another member of our party that he got an app of baked clams and shrimp, then half a chicken (which he put ketchup on), steamed spinach, and at least 7 [Update: Charlie tells me it was more like 10] martinis. I do recall that before our entrees came Chaz made a point to alert me that he hadn't touched any of the sopressat' on the table, though I suspect he had them wrap it up (plus whatever was left in the kitchen) for him to take home and tear into later. The famous "Eddie," who runs a family-owned chain of gay strip clubs, wasn't able to attend but toward the end of dinner a guy purporting to be Charlie's brother joined us (they looked nothing alike so I requested to see his driver's license, which did in fact bear the Gaspo name, though I remain not entirely convinced). CG tipped $100 on a pretax bill of $350, and at one point got very serious and insisted I report back that he has "a fetish for flossing and gargling," then whipped out a case of floss and a travel sized bottle of Scope to prove it. We then went to Elaine's where one guy at the table passed out and fell off his chair, which Charlie maintains he had nothing to do with. Here are the answers to your questions I was allowed to print (a decent number of them I was barred from sharing, unless I had an interest in ending up in a body bag).
Do you use moisturizer on your hands or face?
Never.
What do you think of David Faber's book?
I haven't read it yet. I'm too busy penning the definitive book on this crisis.
Is Jeff Macke writing the forward to your book?
No, there's no forward. I get right into it.
When are you going to dye your hair, which is going gray? Up top and below deck.
The hairs on my head, never. As for downtown, tell whoever asked that, oo gatz, like my mother used to say.
What kind of cologne do you wear?
Addidas sport set at the gym, Old Spice on the job, Drakkar Noir for special occasions.


Is your right wrist bigger than your left, as a result of repeated jacking?
No, they're the same size, because it takes two hands. You need firm grip. Write that down.
Do you and DRat grill burgers and drink cold ones together on the weekends?
He's a friend, that's all I'll say. He's amazing. As for my weekends, all I'll say is you can find me in a guinea tee.
Do you fancy yourself a Carlo or a Sollozzo?
Neither, but want to hear something? The guy who played Carlo-- Gianni Russo-- is a good friend of mine. For years. [Ed: this upsets me greatly, as I love Sonny and HATE Carlo.] And the restaurant where Michael pops one in his forehead, Louis' Italian American Restaurant on White Plains Road in the Bronx was my father's favorite joint, lived across the street. Beautiful chicken parm.
Yan or Sasha?
Yan was the best barber in Russia, taught his son Sasha everything he knows. I'm a Yan guy. Used to be on 21st and 1st, now Astor Place. 15 bucks for a cut, though all Dealbreaker readers wear wigs (to go with their dresses) so I doubt they'll check it out.
Where did you lose your virginity?
Back seat of a VW Beetle. My brother, who is a tenth degree blackbelt, lost it at 13.
Boxers, briefs or nada?
Boxers.
How much would it take to get you in the ring with Dennis Kneale?
I like Dennis Kneale, there'd be no reason to do that [Ed. this is suspect, obviously]. I don't do boxing anymore, maybe in my younger days, when I was at my fighting weight and was a Golden Gloves finalist.
In terms of getting built, besides roids, which would you suggest: Muscle Milk, raw eggs, or protein shakes?
Protein shakes, definitely.

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