Giving You The Tools Necessary To Get Back In The Saddle

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People, even if we weren't in the throes of a slow as hell news day, even if I hadn't checked out for the holiday weekend yesterday, even if I didn't derive immeasurable personal pleasure from fucking with you, I'd still recommend this product. It's the Executive Rodeo Chair, it's the Hawaii Chair on roids, and I want you to run right out and snag one for your office today, or dispatch whoever's in charge of interior decorating to do so. I mean really. Just get a load of this thing.

Is it not magnificent? Is it not just the thing you've been looking for in your quest to get back on top? Most of your trading floors probably have the space to accommodate the equipment already and if not surely there a few employees whose desks you've been looking for an excuse to get rid of. Depending on your preference you could use it either as punishment (non-performers are forced to drink an ounce of Old English for every dollar lost and then get strapped in) or as reward, a la congratulatory Zamboni Rides.

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