Giving You The Tools Necessary To Get Back In The Saddle

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People, even if we weren't in the throes of a slow as hell news day, even if I hadn't checked out for the holiday weekend yesterday, even if I didn't derive immeasurable personal pleasure from fucking with you, I'd still recommend this product. It's the Executive Rodeo Chair, it's the Hawaii Chair on roids, and I want you to run right out and snag one for your office today, or dispatch whoever's in charge of interior decorating to do so. I mean really. Just get a load of this thing.

Is it not magnificent? Is it not just the thing you've been looking for in your quest to get back on top? Most of your trading floors probably have the space to accommodate the equipment already and if not surely there a few employees whose desks you've been looking for an excuse to get rid of. Depending on your preference you could use it either as punishment (non-performers are forced to drink an ounce of Old English for every dollar lost and then get strapped in) or as reward, a la congratulatory Zamboni Rides.

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Vikram Pandit To Get Back In The Hedge Fund Saddle Again, At Some Point

Just a question of which hedge fund he'll be riding-- his own or his former Old Lane colleague's. The buzz on Wall Street is that ousted Citigroup CEO Vikram Pandit will return to the hedge-fund world. UK hedge fund Portman Square Capital declined to comment on chatter that its founder, Sutesh Sharma, is eager to nab Pandit for his new firm. Sharma, a former money manager at Pandit’s now defunct Old Lane hedge fund, launched Portman this year with $500 million...Pandit is viewed by the hedge fund community as a rainmaker due to his ties to deep-pocketed investors. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he felt the timing was right to join an existing fund . . . or start his own fund,” said Robert Olman of hedge-fund search firm Alpha Search Advisory Partners. Thinking ahead, how much do we predict Citi will pay to acquire Portman Square (or Pandit Partners) in order to lure Big Vik back, which is kind their thing? Last time around it was $800 million so they'll probably have to offer at least $2bn. Pandit Packing For London Hedges [NYP via FINalternatives]

Want To Get Your Body Ready For The Boardroom And The Beach? Strap A Saddle To Your Back And You're Good To Go

Throughout the week, we've been exploring the workout regimens of various billionaires. George Soros gets his elliptical on at Sitaras Fitness, alongside fellow members like Jack Welch and former Amex chairman James D. Robinson III, who can leg-press 900 pounds). Paul Tudor Jones's wife forces him to practice Ashtanga yoga, though he's allowed to take the summer off. While the practitioners of these routines may have found them to be enjoyable and effective, they contain the rigor of lifting one's hand to stuff another chip in one's mouth when compared to the new workout regimen pioneered by Jesse Itzler, which, we're calling it now, is poised to take the upper echelons of Wall Street by storm. Fueling [billionaire Sara Blakely's] more impetuous side is her entrepreneurial twin: husband Jesse Itzler, 43, a former rapper from Long Island, who has backed and cofounded a few startups, including Marquis Jet, which sells fractional air-travel time. When I meet him at his midtown Manhattan office, he bounds up the stairs in a sweaty headband, his blond curls dripping. He’s come from an intense cardio workout with a Navy SEAL he hired to move in with him and Sara for a month. (This is more efficient than hiring rickshaws from his office, as he used to do, and paying the driver to be a passenger while he hauled the vehicle all the way home.) For what probably amounts to no more than $30/day, you get a 1-2 punch workout, as driving a rickshaw through town would not only tone the lower body but would be tremendously embarrassing for most recognizable millionaires and billionaires. Depending on what route you want to take, in the span of 60 minutes you'll toughen the body and humble the mind. And if you're worried about plateauing, don't be: once you master the rickshaw routine, simply stop by Central Park South and pay a horse drawn carriage driver and his pony to be the passengers while you slap a saddle on your back and pull the cart home. You ass can thank us later. Undercover Billionaire: Sara Blakely Joins The Rich List Thanks To Spanx [Forbes]