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So You Say You Want To Be Melissa Francis's Pool Boy?

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Melissa Francis recently put it out there that she'd love to land a hot, dumb, young male co-host. Basically, a "pool boy," she said. Many of you expressed interest in the gig, so we asked Mel to give us a little more info re: what the job would entail. Here's what she told us:
* First off, this will be a threesome deal. You'll have two bosses, one being Francis, the other being Contessa Brewer, MF's co-host when she moonlights on MSNBC, who wanted in on this business.

* Good working knowledge of Real Housewives and credit markets helpful, though not necessary. You're there to be a piece of meat, k?
* Ability to mix "creative cocktails" is a must, and to that end, Contessa says that Mojitos are preferable but the mint must be hand picked
* Shirts optional

* Skimpy thongs not necessarily desirable, as the girls are not looking for a "John Mayer in Borat bathing suit" situation. Costumes that flatter your figure is rule number one (and though this goes without saying, No Fatties)
* If low ratings become an issue, you'll be to blamed when Jeff Zucker comes a' calling, and, obviously, you will be punished accordingly
* As for money, you may need to be open to alternative forms of payment (including but no limited to personal training sessions with Charlie Gasparino, shopping/stylist services from Larry Kudlow, etc)
Any other questions? Let us know.