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We Need More Instances Of Barebacking Gone Bad Up In This Piece

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You guys routinely disappoint me. You know that. And yet, because I can't quit my job (yet), I can't quit you. The latest is not so much something you've done but something you haven't done. Which is: exceeded or come close to getting involved in a scenario like this. Long story short: husband is out of town for a while, wife gets a job doing soft-core porn on a web cam near you, wife gets recognized at a party by a guy familiar with her work, wife and porn consumer start having an affair, husband finds out (about this guy and a bunch of others) and confronts wife-banger via email, husband proceeds to send email detailing the affair to wife-banger's entire office (law firm White and Case), including text messages he obtained from wife's cell like:

Wife: I would love to talk to u and kiss for hours :)
Wife-banger: Sweet. Does this involve a rolling stones t shirt?
Wife: More bareback

And hilarious little asides like:

In case you lost track, [my wife] is playing 3 guys at this point... she apparently needs a baseball team all at the same time to be happy.

I realize things are tense and you probably don't have time for such frivolousness. But that's all the more reason to give everyone the release we've been looking for, via a good 5 to 10 minutes of laughing at the idea of your colleagues and superiors getting drawn into the fallout of wick being dipped in something that's already spoken for* (and Julian Robertson or Vikram Pandit having to ask a first year "what's barebacking?"). If not for us, do it for the economy.
Update: The wife tells her side of the story. She takes issue with, among other things, the characterization that she works in porn ("It's a camera-site. That is all it is. I am not in contact with anybody, there is no contact between me and anybody on that camera-site"). She also says that her husband ruined the reputation of the guy she was doing on the side by sending the aforementioned email to his firm. Which: we wouldn't necessarily disagree with.
*To those of you protesting that, "Hey, I have affairs all the time and some of them are even inter-office, perhaps involving the president of a southern Connecticut hedge fund banging the head of HR who made off with a hefty ransom after she was 'asked' to leave," all I have to say is-- pics (and details) to be posted on DB or it didn't happen.