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What Is Ruth Madoff Going To Do?

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Bernie might get 150 years at today's (10AM!) sentencing (or he might get a very reasonable 12) but clearly it's Lady MacMadoff who's about to get fucked up with some truth. First off, regardless of what the accommodations will be like, Ponz. Boy at least knows he definitely has a place to live for the next decade or so, whereas Ruth is two shakes away from being homeless. The penthouse at East 64th Street is getting sold, and apparently no one will rent her an apartment. She can't move in with one of her sons, because Andy and Mark (who've ceased referring to her as "mom" opting instead for the cold as ice "Ruth") want nothing to do with the woman who went through a combined 40 hours of labor to bring a pair of ungrateful fish boys into the world. She has no friends left (or florists, or colorists), so it's not like there's even the possibility of a pull-out couch situation. The only lead she's got is a Rego Park studio, and even that will be tough to land.

Also there, the matter of Big R only having $2.3 million left to live on. I think she might actually have to get a job! But doing what? There's probably a hedge fund out there that in previous years would've loved to land her cooking the books skills but obviously they can't take that risk now. What we're thinking could be a dream gig, mostly for the audience, would be Ruth, as the new host of Fast Money, which you know CNBC would go for as it could be ratings gold and would also class up the joint. Then again, she may not want to degrade herself so thoroughly, in which case we suggest selling candy on the subway (since she'll be there and all anyway), or dancing at the new Scores. If you've got anything better, don't hesitate to share. She needs our help.