Do you suck a little bit or a lot a bit at golf? You're not alone. Mayor Mike used to be-- some of you would say still is-- pretty bad himself. But you can do something about it, provided money's no object. Herewith, a few tips from the king.
This mostly goes out to the Jimmy Caynes in the audience. Suck so bad you have to cheat? Get yourself some professional help.
He took up the game around 2000, but "you probably wouldn't want to call that golf, what he played," said Daniel M. Donovan Jr., the Staten Island district attorney, who has played with Mr. Bloomberg for years. "He was confused by it," said Morris Offit, a longtime friend and golf buddy of Mr. Bloomberg's. "He felt that if he tried hard, gave it the appropriate attention and got good instruction, that he would improve rapidly." He did not.
Frustrated by his poor play, Mr. Bloomberg plunged himself into the game, becoming a regular at the Randalls Island driving range, and stealing away for weekend golf outings in Westchester, the Caribbean and the Hamptons. And he often brings an instructor with him. (One of them, Tom Sutter, commands $130 an hour.)
Those who play with Mr. Bloomberg said the mayor, 67, who stands 5 feet 8 inches and appears fit, hits the ball straight but not especially far. He is a decent putter, but loudly scolds himself when he hits a bad shot -- "Come on, Mike!"
Mr. Bruno recalled playing with the mayor in Bermuda. The mayor's intensity kicked in when his ball landed on the edge of the woods.
"He didn't have a clear swing," Mr. Bruno recalled. "He had the right to move it a club's length and take a one-stroke penalty."
He added: "He insisted that he would hit it. It proved unplayable after a couple of swings. He was not a happy guy. The steam was coming right out of his ears."
Keep prying eyes out of your zone. Tell no one nothing, ever. They can piss off.
Aides to Mr. Bloomberg refuse to make public his handicap. The United States Golf Association listed it at 18, but that appears to be based on scores he posted when he was just starting to play (like the 121 he scored in 2002 at a country club at Purchase, N.Y.).
If you really want to be great, and apparently Bberg doesn't, quit your job and all other time commitments and responsibilities. Only then will you receive high-praise from above.
Donald Trump, who has played with Mr. Bloomberg, said: "If he had more time to play, he'd be a terror."