Hey hey hey my girlies (and boyzies who don't mind doing women's work*). Do you want to assist in the administration of a very successful and prestigious hedge fund? Is you smart? Is you hungry? Is you prepared to get it done right, the first time? Is you ambitious but sufficiently submissive to not correct your boss when he screws up simple grammar and spelling? Then read on.
Hedge Fund Seeks Recent College Grad to be Top-Notch Admin Assistant (Midtown)
Date: 2009-06-16, 11:42AM EDT
Successful hedge fund manager seeks first-rate, super smart, recent college graduate to help answer phones, pay bills, file, organize travel, speak to companies, and do anything and everything that needs to get done around the office. This is not a job for a career administrative assistant, but rather a two-year stop for a hungry, savvy college grad, who is looking to learn the ropes and get his or her foot in the door. Please only apply is you had top grades from preferrably a top school and are interested in pursuing a career in finance or on Wall Street. Please only apply is you speak perfect English. Please only apply if you have a great attitude -- so that no job too little or too big is a problem. Please only apply is you are willing to do things the way your boss wants them to get done -- regardless of whether you think it's the best way to do the job. Please only apply is you are great at following instructions. Please only apply if you have an upbeat, can-do, outgoing personality. Please only apply if you have a slight case of OCD and a serious drive to do things right -- the first time. Perfectionists welcome.
* Compensation: 50k -- 65k plus bonus
*Get over yourselves, I'm just trying to keep things interesting in here.
**P.S. I don't want to hear, "It's obviously fake, Bess, duh, god you're such a dumb bitch sometimes." This was in no way funny or line crossing enough to be fake.