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Bank of America Tower Is Hideous Eyesore, Joke, Fattie, Faux-Green Deathtrap

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I sincerely hope no Bank of America employees are not reading the internet today because really? The blows are going fast, hard and low. If Ken Lewis and Co were already feeling a bit bad about themselves, if they were starting to think, "maybe it's true, maybe we really do suck," if they were beginning to take the trash talk that they can't do anything right to heart, the absurdly catty critique of the Bryant Park building over at Bloomberg will not do wonders for the ego. First off, according to architecture critic James S. Russell, the place is a constant reminder that before Ken Lewis came up with the genius idea to buy Countrywide and Merrill Lynch, BAC wasn't in the toilet.

The building was touted as costing $1 billion in 2004, and the bank has declined to update the figure. After the 64 percent slump in the bank's shares since September, this glinting bundle of shards, nearing completion across from Bryant Park, could be considered a monument to bonus-coddled, overindulgent, corporate excess.

And that stuff about it being the antidote to global warming? Bull.

Cook & Fox touts One Bryant Park as "the world's most environmentally responsible high-rise office building."
This is an overstatement. Around the world, eco-buildings have moved far beyond this design.

Okay, but besides the greed and green stuff, is she doable? No. Russel wouldn't fuck her with Angelo Mozilo's dick.

The 54-story result is among the most ungainly forms on the skyline, like a matron who swathes herself in thick layers of fabric in a vain attempt to slim her burgeoning silhouette.

What the? And after that thinly veiled shot at KL's cankles? Anything else you wanna say? Yes. Jimmy would like to get one more thing off his chest.


OH NO, SHE DI'INT. On the bright side! Russell does slip in one thing that, if they're smart, BAC execs will use to their benefit on the off-chance the next few quarters don't go their way. How can anyone be expected to make money money take take money money when they can't even see due to an environment that fosters 24/7 squinting?

Though bands of white ceramic dots fused onto the glass are designed to cut unwanted sun, a bank official said the company had regretted not investing in shades that would automatically lower when the sun beats in.

Bank of America's Earnest Eco-Tower Rises From New York Slump [Bloomberg via DI]


Layoffs Watch '12: Bank Of America

In April 2010, Bank of America said ENOUGH. Enough with this losing of money business. We want to know what it's like to have a quarter in which we actually make a little-- wouldn't that be something? As this was a very lofty goal for the firm, the higher-ups knew they had to get serious-- really focus and hone in an on plan of action. First, they gave their new (money-making) mission a special codename: Project New BAC. Then, 44 executives "fanned out around the company to ask employees low- and high-level for ideas on how BofA [could]...reduce expenses." As we now know, what they came up with re: the reduction of expenses was that 30,000 people should be fired and over the last year, exactly that has happened. And even though a whole bunch of senior people have quit, which has helped the bottom line a bit, it hasn't been enough for meddlesome investors to put a sock in it re: "reining in expenses" and "profit outlook" in general. So, a couple things are going to happen: 1. A whole bunch of well-paid* bankers are going to be escorted out of the building and 2. In order to pick up the slack left, clusters of junior bankers are going to put in a van which will drop them off in whatever division needs them most at the time. The Charlotte, N.C., company is planning about 2,000 staff cuts in its investment banking, commercial banking and non-U.S. wealth-management units, said people familiar with the situation. Those operations were vastly expanded with Bank of America's 2009 purchase of Merrill Lynch & Co. The reductions are significant because of whom they target: the high-earning employees whose efforts helped Merrill Lynch account for the bulk of Bank of America's profit since the financial crisis. The cuts come on top of a plan announced last year that will see Bank of America eliminate 30,000 jobs over three years in its consumer banking divisions...The No. 2 U.S. bank by assets already is facing a wave of high-profile defections in its institutional businesses, such as investment banking, amid Wall Street's annual post-bonus job-hopping season. The upheaval comes as investors are pressuring banks to rein in expenses without giving ground competitively. Despite a 46% rise this year, Bank of America shares have lost a third of their value in the past year, amid questions about the industry's profit outlook. Cutbacks aren't Bank of America's only response to surging costs. The bank is loath to cut too deeply in businesses, such as the fixed-income trading operation, that are showing improvement and highly competitive. One structural shift being planned will pool junior investment-banking employees across different industry sectors so the younger bankers can be routed to whatever area is most in demand at that moment, said people familiar with the situation. Proponents say that move will help younger workers gain more experience, while others say it will detract from the bank's service to clients. BofA To Cut From Elite Ranks [WSJ] *For BofA.