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Hedge Fund Manager Assesses Situation At Harvard

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The latest issue of Vanity Fairchecks out what's been a' poppin' over in Cambridge, i.e. Ivy League ass bleeding. The endowment has lost $11 billion (and counting), a few professors have been laid off, some traitorous shrews are thinking the unthinkable ("there is a real chance that Harvard will no longer be considered the best there is"), and, worst of all, dining services will no longer be providing the Larry Summers Special (bacon, egg 'n cheese, banana split and a diet Coke). Really, the only thing the Harvard has going for it is the rage of one HBS professor but he's only one man and he's only got so much scalding hot coffee at his disposal. And yet. Some people don't think the institution truly gets it. They know the facts but the facts haven't truly penetrated. Sounds like a job for a hedge fund manager who, if we were talking about his own fund, would be dictating lines to his secretary a la "We are all good in the hood, this isn't our problem, it's the market's problem," but is more than happy to fuck someone else up with a little dose of truth.

If Harvard were a serious business facing a liquidity crisis, it would have made drastic changes as its endowment tanked: say, axing senior employees, shuttering departments, and selling real estate. But elite universities don't like shaking things up. "None of these schools has the ability to cut expenses fast enough" is how a hedge-fund manager who counts Harvard among his investors describes the situation. VF writer Nina Munk asked the hedge fund manager to look at Harvard's finances and assess the extent to which its endowment will be able to keep pace with its immovable costs. The hedge fund manager's conclusion: "They are completely fucked."


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As you may have heard, earlier this week the lovable scamp that is Prince Harry of Wales got in a bit of hot water when he was photographed ass naked in Las Vegas, with a bunch of equally ass naked ladies, following some sort of swim meet with Olympic gold medalist Ryan Lochte. Those photographs, some of which involved a billiards table and pool cues, were subsequently run on the covers of various newspapers and the Queen, being none too pleased, told her grandson to get on the first flight back to London (apparently in a tone so scary he knew she meant business and "did not mingle with other passengers," instead remaining "in the upstairs cabin of the 747" to think about what he'd done). While it's unclear what kind of punishment the Queen has in mind, or if she's yet delivered the sort of tongue lashing generally reserved for naughty Corgis and her subjects at RBS, in the meantime many have come to the prince's defense and advised the old lady to back off, like the hedge fund manager the Times found on the tube who thinks the Queen should relax and have a good laugh about it. She'd be doing the same thing if Prince Philip ever gave her a weekend off. Among people surveyed at random in central London, including subway commuters reading about the Las Vegas incident on the front page of the tabloid the Evening Standard, the verdict was mostly thumbs-up. “I think it’s quite funny,” said John Daniels, 46, a hedge fund manager. “I’m sure most people would like to be doing exactly the same thing, especially in Vegas. This is his own private time and people shouldn’t be taking photographs of him.” For Prince Harry, Vegas Exploits Didn't Stay There [NYT]


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