11:00 Music hold. Classical, with a hint of Lil Jon, which is LB's fave, and has been getting tons of play in his Top 25.
11:01 Dane Holmes, head of investor relations welcomes you, invites everyone to help themselves to a hundo.
11:02 Reading of the press release
Let this be a lesson to you all: Goldman's second quarter earnings "reflect the importance of diversifying."
11:07 Real estate hurt, kinda bad.
11:12 Compensation expenses came out to $6.6 billion-ish; headcount was down 1 percent to 29,100. Each and every one of you are missed, but LB and his bitches gotta get paid.
Guy Moszkowski, BAC, is up first, because he pays off the operators and is up first on every call: It seems your bid offers have improved, is that fair?
GS: They were flat-ish.
Glenn Schorr, UBS: You've been able to issue at tight spreads but not tight enough spreads.
GS: We're not forced to issue debt if we don't want to. We'll do it at small amounts over time, we'll get tighter as the world gets better. Don't push us.
Glenn: Are you nervous about regulations and whatnot?
GS: No, you know we own every bitch's ass in DC. You know that, boy.
Um, the next question was supposed to be from Meredith Whitney but it's from some dude named Howard at Credit Suisse. What's the hold up with Big Momma?
I miss Howie's question, something about OTC derivatives, because I'm legitimately nervous/excited about what happened to the lady of the hour/what she's got planned.
Big Momma is back, claiming the technical difficulty is that she had herself on mute which, I'm not sure who she thinks she's dealing with, but we don't buy for a second.
Meredith Whitney, Meredith Whitney Advisors: I initiated my first buy call in the history of Meredith Whitney Advisors yesterday, and I initiated it on your ass. How did that make you feel?
GS: It was good, uh, you know we always like people to like GS--
Whitney: NO-- how did it make you feel? Did it move you? Did it groove you?
GS: Meredith, I'm not sure--
Whitney: Whatever, I know you liked it, next question. Did you get the signed headshot I sent you? Have you decided the best location to place it in the building? I'm thinking Lloyd's office, or the main lobby. For those of you at home, here's a free one. Print it out, paste it up. You'll be the envy of all your friends and colleagues:
Mike Mayo, Calyon Securities: Can you quantify the change in backlogs from Q1 to Q2?
GS: It was down.
Chris Kotowski of Oppenheimer is trying to ask a question but someone on the Opp end of the call is cracking himself up and making it hard to hear. If this has anything to do with former colleague Mer Whit, you can all S-a-D.
Douglas Sipkin of Pali Capital (actually) wants to know when Goldman is moving into its new building, and if they need any boxes or bubble-wrap, which is better for moving bodies, cause he knows a guy. Apparently it's going to be Q4 of this year, so plan to be busy that day because you can be sure they're gonna ask.
11:50 Is L-Blanks thinking the same thing as us? That unless someone's going to man up and let Max Waters take his place on the line it's time to whip out the:
Do it, LB. You have the power.
12:01 We're done here.