Skip to main content

Noted Economists Declare Recession Over

  • Author:
  • Updated:

Speaking of dying in an electrical fire, the third "Fashion Meets Finance" event is coming up. This one, thrown in celebration of the recession supposedly being over, is taking place at Nikki Beach on August 6th. For those who buried the memory of just what this gathering entails, FMF is based on the idea that "women in fashion need men who can facilitate their pre-30 marriage/retirement plan, and men in finance need women who will allow them to leverage their career in their dating equity." Does the pressing issue of $0-ish bonuses throw a wrench in things? The rètards who organized the event say no.

2008 was a confusing time, but we are here to announce the balance is restoring itself to the ecosystem of the New York dating community. We fear that news of shrinking bonuses, banks closing and the Dow plummeting confused the gorgeous women of the city who understood that their shelf life is quick and fleeting like a senator's South American love affair. The uncertainty caused panic which caused irrational decisions - there's going to be a two year blip in the system where a hot fashion girl might commit to a pharmaceutical salesman (this is so much worse than the expected guy selling mortgages at JP Morgan Chase convincing a fashion girl he's actually in finance).
Fashion Meets Finance has returned to let the women of fashion know that the recession is officially over. It might be a year before bonuses start inflating themselves again, but it will happen. Invest in the future; feel confident in your destiny. Hold on. It will only be a couple more years until you can quit your job and become a tennis mom.

Who can you expect to be in attendance? Dennis Kneale, for one, who enjoys attending conferences of like-minded tail. The rest of the RSVP list is here. A lot of (alleged) JPMorgan employees, a Morgan Stanley MD, and a Citadel "associate" playing it fast and loose with the top buttons.


FINRA Declares RBS Sucks At Firing People

They didn't issue a press release on the magnitude of the suckiness, but they might as well have.