Skip to main content

Bernie Madoff's Greatest Scam of All

  • Author:
  • Updated:

Last week, after hearing a lady named Sheryl Weinstein had written a book about being screwed by Bernie Madoff both as an investor and as one of the skanks he was banging on the side for years, we asked everyone to guesstimate what B-Boy might have going on downtown. Most of you figured he had to be packin', on account of the evidence at left. Not so, says Weinstein! The Daily News has a few of the "intimate details" included in the tome today. Notable among them: "This man was not well-endowed."
Obviously the question we're all asking ourselves is, was he "not well-endowed" relative to Weinstein? Do we have an abnormally large vagina situation on our hands? Are we going to get a completely different take from Berns via his attorney Ira Sorkin later this afternoon, saying the problem didn't lie with his small penis but rather, with Sheryl's "HUGE vagina," as Sorkin makes a wide 'V' symbol with his hands? Apparently not. Supposedly Mades was all too aware of his shortcomings, going so far as to call up Weinstein the day after their first time together to apologize. That detail sort of strikes us as a crock, and possible indication of a lady doth protest scenario but S Dubs then goes on to speak rather highly of Ponzi-B's skills. "I didn't have a problem," with the invisible D, Weinstein claims she told B. "When we made love, I was on fire." (Ed: The Daily News seems to think Weinstein was describing how hot Little B got her though she very well could've been describing her own performance.)

For months, they met for dinner and makeout sessions. Weinstein praised Madoff as a "great kisser."

And finally:

Weinstein, who is still married to her husband of 37 years, Ronald, said she told a few friends about the affair. They dubbed Madoff "Winky Dink" because he constantly blinked his eyes nervously whenever she was around.