Lenny Dykstra Lied To Us

Author:
Updated:
Original:


That's right, ladies, Nails hath taken us for a ride. Earlier today we noted that LD, in a fit of genius, had ripped the toilets out and pissed on the walls of his Sherwood mansion in an attempt to get an insurance company to hand over $10 million or whatever they've got in their wallets, since he has no money. He also demanded that they give him a place to stay in the meantime, as he's been living like a hobo, claiming that he spent the night on Sunday in the lobby of the Westwood Hotel. And when he did that, he lied to us. Because I have time on my hands, and none of you are making any news happen, I called up the front desk to get a little more color on the matter, and find out what LD looks like when he's sleeping (soundly, like (someone with the mind of a) child without a care in the world, or violently, like someone whose dreams are haunted by Jim Cramer?). I was transferred to a fellow who was on duty that night and he told me that LD was full of shit. "He definitely didn't stay here. Security never would've allowed that....though he might've been spotted loitering for a few hours before being asked to leave." Sounds about right, and also like a total crock. It's pretty incredible to think that we can't trust the guy, at this stage in the game. Despite this upset, we're willing to overlook things, if LD promises to take us up on the offer to write a weekly column on private planes (and tell us what he did with the missing toilets). Finally, if any one has some leads on where he actually was Sunday, let us know. A meth lab? On the set of a new porno called "Sonic And Nails"? Wherever one would go to pawn off Jon Kruk's testicle? He needs to be held accountable.

Related