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Opening Bell: 08.13.09

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Madoff Had Affair With Ex-Hadassah Finance Chief, Her Book Says (Bloomberg)
Did Bernie Madoff run around on Ruth? The girls who dispensed In addition to the massage parlor handies aren't talking but some lady named Sheryl Weinstein, who's writing a book, says yes. In addition to allegedly screwing Weinstein manually, Bernie-boy also ripped off her and her husband, Ronald, who were Madoff investors left with pretty much nothing. Bonus: the tell-all will supposedly include photographs, i.e. crotch shots of Big B.
Huge Bonus Hangs Over Pay Review (NYT)
So far the only thing Citi has come up with re: convincing the Compensation Cop that it should be allowed to pay Phibro trader Andrew Hall his $100 million bonus is that the contract was signed prior to the government announcing it'd be getting involved in this shit. This would be because everyone staffed with figuring out how to get Andy his clams is an unimaginative fuck. Treasury officials have apparently noted amongst themselves that they'd sooner give Vikram the go-ahead to build his $10 million zen garden than let Hall have his money.
Lehman Sues AIG For $9 Million In CDS Payments (Reuters)
Lehman alleges that AIG is using the bank's failure as an excuse not to make payments, and that this violates U.S. bankruptcy law.
Citi hires external help to probe management (FT)
Naturally it was Sheila Bair and Co who required the C-izzle to pay Egon Zehnder to put on the rubber gloves and check out what Vikula's got going on under the hood.
Apartments To Rent: $2 Billion (NYP)
"The bill, which is called the TARP for Main Street Act and was sponsored by House Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank (D-Mass.) and Rep. Nydia Velazquez (D-Brooklyn and Manhattan), would use TARP funds that have been returned by banks and plow it into programs that, according to the bill, would create "sustainable financing" for the complexes as well as provide funding for property rehabilitation."

John Paulson bets on BofA with 2% stake
How do you like Ken Lewis now, Ken Lewis wonders from a water hole down the road upon hearing the joyous news, before buying rounds for everyone and putting it on his "new friend in Connecticut."
UBS and US Strike Tax Evasion Deal (FT)
5,000 names will probably be revealed. In addition to having the scarlet 'T' for tax evader and also Tim Geithner stamped on their chests, the clients will likely be forced to pay "a big fine."
SEC Charges Coming For Pequot, Samberg (NYP)
Art intends "to defend the matter vigorously."
University of Pennsylvania Endowment Beats Harvard With Stocks (Bloomberg)
Give it up for the Quakers, who managed to suck less than their Cambridge counterparts: "The Philadelphia university's stocks outperformed market indexes, said Kristin Gilbertson, chief investment officer of the fund. Penn's endowment fell 16 percent in the year ended June 30 to $5.2 billion, better than Harvard's estimated 30 percent decline and the 26 percent loss for the Standard & Poor's 500 Index, including dividends."