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Opening Bell: 08.25.09

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Obama to Reappoint Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke (WSJ)
Another term for The Beard! The President credits Benji with "pulling the economy back from the brink of depression," according to Rahm-bo.
Regulators To Examine Goldman's Trade Tips (WSJ)
The SEC and FINRA supposedly intend to look into Goldman's weekly "huddles" to look as though they give a shit to people who think there's something illegal about giving bigger clients preferential treatment.
Allen Stanford Must Stay In Jail (Reuters)
Sir Stan and his lawyer are not happy about this turn of events, telling the judge: "Allen Stanford deserves to be released and needs to be released in order to effectively assist in his own defense." And also, you know, to escape.

Woman Is Charged in a Ponzi Scheme Involving Professional Football Players
Think of the canines: "Federal prosecutors have charged a woman who once advised Michael Vick and several other football players with stealing $3 million from eight victims in a Ponzi scheme. Prosecutors say the woman, Mary Wong, worked out of her Omaha home and purported to sell investments in luxury properties in Arizona, Tennessee and Michigan along with private jets and other investments. Vick sued Ms. Wong in January, seeking to recover at least $2 million from her...According to Vick's lawsuit, Ms. Wong persuaded Vick to give her power of attorney, putting her in control of his finances, but did not disclose the sanction she received from the New York Stock Exchange for depositing a customer's money into her personal bank account."
Ex-Merrill Exec Sues BofA Over Departure (Reuters)
Bob McCann would like to take a job at a new firm but some people are saying he didn't give "a good enough" reason when he left BAC/MER in January, other than, "this place is a shithole."

Ten Years Of Putinomics
All of them topless.
BofA: SEC's Merrill Charges Were In Error (NYP)
"The very premise" of the SEC's complaint "is fundamentally in error," the bank said in documents submitted yesterday to US District Court Judge Jed Rakoff of the Manhattan federal court, who has blasted the SEC's pact with BofA.


Opening Bell: 3.29.16

Deutsche Bank is hiring; Casino agent in Philippines says high-rollers brought in heist money; Man pays $500 a month to live in a wooden 'pod' in San Francisco; and more.