The Perks Of Being An Ex-Goldman Wife: Shame Free DWI's


Being married to the (Hebrew) mob clearly has its benefits but where it's a real buzz kill is in the getting shitfaced in public department. It's more or less frowned upon, particularly if your husb is high-profile enough for the scene to get press. All the Mrs. Goldman girls in the house know what I'm talking about. Sometimes you just wanna get hammered in front of an audience and act out, for whatever reason, but can't because you know once Lloyd gets wind of it he's going to come down on your ass with an earful about not attracting negative attention that could later contribute to little pissant journalists writing salacious and baseless lies about the firm and its inability to blow less than a .85 on random breathalyzer tests, copy that should be reserved for bitches o' Bank of America. The relentless harping to "make 'em virgins ladies" and the persistent fear LB's gonna grab you by the elbow and escort you out of the room, then hose you down like a junkie if he smells even a hint of booze on your breath would explain why certain wives have resorted to simply acting like miserable shrews sober. So it's only natural that once you're the outside, 'cause your man quit or got fired, you'd want to suck in the freedom that is getting loaded and charged with DWI'swithout judgment, and that look, above, which is LB's "What do you think this is, a god damn halfway house, ya fuckin drunk? I'm not happy and there'll be hell to pay" face.

IT'S been a rough year for Ray and Jane Iwanowski. The couple was flying high last year, with Ray, 42, running the Global Alpha hedge fund for Goldman Sachs. In September, they bought a 4,184-square-foot, nine-room apartment at 823 Park Ave. for $13.5 million. But then, in March, Ray and his partner Mark Carhart both retired from Goldman, having suffered investment losses and client redemptions which brought the fund's assets down from $12 billion in 2007 to $2.5 billion. And on July 26, Jane, 48, was arrested in East Hampton on a misdemeanor charge of DWI after driving her 2003 BMW into a tree near the Iwanowskis' nearby house.


Goldman Sachs Analysts Now Free To Leave The Nest Whenever Or Stay For The Ultimate Payoff

Back in May, we reported that there was a bit of tension between some growing first year analysts and higher-ups at Goldman Sachs. The issue was that the li'l fellas, antsy to leave the nest, were making arrangements with private equity firms and hedge funds for the following year, when they still had a little more than twelve months left until their two year commitment to GS was complete. And while Mama Lloyd and Papa Gar want nothing more than to see their babies succeed, they also felt like the kiddos were jumping the gun a little bit (and were in violation of the rule that when you live under their roof, you play by their rules, namely that no analyst shall take part in recruiting until six months from the time they’ve finished the two year program). To set an example, a bunch of particularly bad analysts were kicked to the curb and while it probably did put the fear of God into the others, who've remained on the straight and narrow ever since, it didn't make anyone very happy. So now this is happening: Goldman Sachs is doing away with two-year contracts for most analysts hired out of college, according to communications reviewed by The Wall Street Journal and confirmed by a Goldman spokesman. Analysts also won't get bonuses for completing the program, which has been around for a quarter of a century and has been viewed as a meal ticket to a lucrative Wall Street career. [...] The New York company's decision came after executives grew frustrated that many graduates weren't staying with the firm after completing the two years, and after Goldman fired a handful of analysts over the past year for signing on to work at other financial companies in violation of their contracts. Goldman has been reaching out to employees over the past two days to inform them of the changes, which will take effect for analysts who will start in 2013. "We think the historic two-year program is no longer the best approach for hiring and developing the careers of analysts in our banking and investment-management divisions," said the Goldman spokesman. "Making this change allows us to emphasize the longer-term career opportunities available atthe firm." No more fighting, no more sneaking around, no more need for anyone to put their foot down. If you want to leave after a year (or sooner), if you think you're grown up enough to make it out there on your own, by all means, go. That's your call and no one's gonna stop your or beg you to reconsider.* But if you decide you want to stay, be it for two years or twelve or twenty, Gary Cohn's thighs appreciate your commitment to the firm and look forward to working with you one day. Goldman Overhauls 2-Year Entry-Level Analyst Program [WSJ] Earlier: Goldman Sachs Does Not Look Kindly Upon First Year Analyst Who Plan In Advance *It's a mistake, of course, but it's yours to make.