Skip to main content

UBS Employee/Dawson's Creek Fan Pushing Himself This Morning

  • Author:
  • Updated:

The spread at left is to be consumed by a UBS analyst by the end of the day. Given that it represents only one item from each row in the vending machine, and he has from the opening bell all the way to the close to finish it all,* I wasn't going to share the challenge with you, given our new stance on the subject. However, I've decided to keep you posted on the progress, due to anecdotal evidence (by his own admission, the participant "cried during the final episode of Dawson's Creek") that leads us to believe this actually might prove difficult for the li'l fella, and all we ask is that you push beyond your own comfort zones.
*Vomiting disqualifies him, as does cheating, and considering the source, we'll obviously be on the lookout.
Update: From the front lines: "Our young contestant has been working relentlessly through the trans-fat buffet served up for him. He started out with much enthusiasm, but recently, since he wrestled with a Cheese Danish, has gone all quiet and now claims to be "pacing" himself. It is not looking good. In fact, he has only consumed about 3500 calories, leaving some 5000 on the table."
Still left: Doritos Cheese Nachos, Famous Amos, Grandma's Mini Sandwich Cremes, Cheetos, 2 x Reese's Peanut Butter Pieces, Olde Tyme Pretzels, Twizzlers, 2 x M&Ms, Twizzlers Nibs Cherry Bits, Genisoy Sweet Crisps, Lay's Baked Crisps, EatSmart Veggie Crisps, BabyRuth.
Update II: FAILURE: "It seemed inevitable when, around 3 p.m., our contestant took up the "brace" position, which allegedly saves lives when airplanes crash. At 4 p.m. with 5 bags still on the table, some 1500 calories, he silently admitted defeat and then promptly headed to the restroom. We will be returning the prize to the donors shortly."

"Having seen the effort and determination that went into this challenge, it is hard to believe that our contestant fell so short of reaching his target, yet it is at least equally puzzling that it seems to have become conventional wisdom that the VM challenge is easy. It sure didn't look easy from here. I hope some of the people leaving comments will walk the walk."


UBS Employees Slated To Attend Networking Party For "The Sexual Elite" This Weekend: Report

The event has been described as being "like a buffet," if you're used to eating at a buffet that serves Alaskan king crab legs and singles* looking to do some extreme mingling. (*Marrieds also welcome.)