What Would It Take To Get You To Watch Fox Business?

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In a purely hypothetical scenario, how does a racist crypt keeper sound? Here's the sitch. Basically no one watches FBN. That much should be obvious but here it is: for the month of June, from 5 to 9 PM, CNBC's audience was 11 times the size of Fox's, which hurts pretty bad, especially considering the GE-owned network, by its own admission, has no standards. Where FBN is most noticeably getting its ass kicked is the 6 to 9 AM time slot, i.e. the domain of Alexis Glick, host of "Money For Breakfast." Now executives are apparently strongly considering throwing Glick out on her ass, and replacing it by Don Imus, who sort of knows what he's talking about re: Wall Street, kind of. Doesn't much matter. What's being banked on is the NPH enthusiast's ability to lure you away from shit like the Hot Carl Crew of Becky Quick, Joe Kernan and Mr. Quintilla, the competition at the time. Would Big D do the trick? What if they threw in Jeff Macke, a pair of scantily clad tits, and a buncha car people? How 'bout now?

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