Area Man Has One Month To Prove Why Bank Of America Owes Him 1,784 Billion, Trillion Dollars

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I don't know what you people do when you realize you've been had (roll over and take it, probably) but Dalton Chiscolm is saying enough! While it's unclear exactly what he's upset about, the gist is that earlier this summer DC tried to deposit a bunch of checks with Bank of America, which he claims were rejected due to incomplete routing numbers. Then he got on the horn in an attempt to get some answers, and received "inconsistent information from a Spanish woman." Obviously, the only left to do was demand Ken Lewis personally place a series of unmarked bills in however many trash bags it takes to hold $1,784 billion, trillion (plus $200,164,000) and nobody gets hurt. Chiscolm filed this request with the Southern District of New York back in August, and now that Judge Denny Chin has finally gotten off his ass and to read and respond to the thing, it sounds like this all might actually pan out.* (If Lewis can't come up with the scratch, Chiscolm will take the 23 quadrillion he knows they've got on hand.)

*If someone can get past what seems to be the impression that Chis is insane.