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Bernie Madoff Can't Lose

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His days inside the joint are spent getting high, feasting on delicious sandwich wraps, being waited on hand and foot by his new "homosexual posse," he doesn't have cancer and now the vindictive shrew who tried to turn a profit by writing about banging him has been more or less shut down. As of last night, Sheryl Weinstein's book of dick jokes had sold a mere 2,000 copies (and one of those was ours, out of hate). Of course, this ultimately means the woman with the possibly huge vagina is going to balls out on publicity, describing details even she had previously deemed too classless to share (we're finally going to find out if Bernie landed closer to "impeccably shorn" or "overgrown cock-bush") and putting out a casting call for a "dramatic re-enactment" sex tape, but for now this has got to feel pretty good for Big B.
Earlier: Sheryl Weinstein's Husband: Don't Be So Quick To Judge My Whore Wife