The 'berg had a story running on the main page for the better part of this morning today about two SAC employees who'd been let go from the London office in September and were recently rehired. That was pretty much all there was to it, save for this mind-blowing bit of career advice: "The message is don't burn your bridges and leave on bad terms," said Clayton Heijman, founder and CEO of Darwin Platform, an Amsterdam-based provider of hedge-fund services. "The hedge-fund universe is a very small community, and you never know when you may need your former employer again." We're going to assume here that Bloomberg didn't simply throw that in as an attempt to legitimize an otherwise a remarkably unremarkable story, but instead to lay a coded message on the asses of current candy stripers at the House of Stevie. Apparently it's become something a trend for those banished from the Cohen Kingdom to lash out in the heat of the moment and do things they might later regret, effectively screwing themselves out of a second shot at glory on the off-chance the big guy might ask his number two a few months down the road, "Who was that trader we fired over the summer? The one with the ass you could bounce a quarter off of?" "Bob?" "Yeah Bob. Let's get him back." So that you might keep yourself all good in Stevie's neighborhood, we've provided a list of bridge-burning transgressions that will result in you not getting invited back to the party. You'd be wise to not:
* Spit in, jack off, or otherwise fuck with the contents of the deep fryer.
* Back the Zamboni out of the garage with the door closed.
* Photoshop the face of your old boss on to the body of the sexy beasts at HornyManatee.com, and assemble the various prints (manateen, shaved manatee, fetish manatee) for some sort of pin-up-esque calendar.
* Think Big Poppa's tab at Hula Hank's is still open to you and yours. It's not, and you'll be paying for those Jager bombs.