Jimmy Cayne: I Had A Good Reason For Smoking Dope, The Particulars Of Which Escape Me At The Moment

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First off, let us just state for the record that we don't think Big Daddy Cayne should have to provide a reason for his on and off the job habit of getting stoned. And we're actually pretty disappointed he felt the need to do so, especially now, when the horse has already left this particular trailer park of hemp. You've already been caught, you've already been fired, you've already spoken about your drug problems to the press, and what's more, you're old as fuck and could simply tell people you got addicted before this shit was illegal, and didn't know when exactly it crossed the line over from just being frowned upon. Also, drugs are kind of the only thing you have left. Now you're going to turn your back on them? Not cool. So, yes, the sad news is that Charlie Gasparino reports Jimmy Cayne is now pushing the story that "his past pot smoking wasn't simply to get high, but to alleviate a serious medical condition." Of course, he hasn't yet decided what that medical condition should be (what would elicit the most sympathy? What would be believable? What has the side effect of making your dick grow like 16 inches?) but give him time to come up with something. The good news is that Gasparino promises we'll get more details on JC's drug usage in his forthcoming book, The Sellout, several chapters of which are devoted to abusing cough syrup with Wall Street CEOs and on his own ("It all started one afternoon in the backseat of a Buick idling in Rego Park").

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