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No One Will Ever Let John Thain Forget ToiletGate

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As was expected, the TARP babies made their mandatory announcements yesterday re: what sort of "luxury expenditures" they were will to part with while Tim Geithner owns their asses. Bank of America said it encourages use of the corporate aircraft on business trips for "safety and efficiency reasons" but on the off-chance you're not creative enough to come up with something as good as "I needed to stretch my shit out," don't worry-- they will not be requiring anyone to get pre-approval or reporting the jaunts. Pandito pledged to not use the jet for personal use. Chrysler Financial said no one can fly first class if it's a short flight. AIG promised not to throw celebratory events except those "acknowledging key AIG career milestones" such as making it back to the office after a successful vacation in Croatia and making the right choice between taking the tunnel and the bridge and beating rush hour traffic. And BAC brought up the issue of pimping out one's work space and sent a message to John Thain that they will never let this one go. Whenever there's an important milestone in his life, they'll be there, whispering "George IV chair." When he makes his triumphant return to Wall Street, they'll be there hiring one of those planes that writes messages in the sky, noting "$25,731 Mahogany pedestal table." When he straps on the singlet, steps on the mat and starts shadow wrestling, calling out 'Lewis!' Ken will be there, hammered like a drunk step-father, slurring and heckling "$35,000 commode!"

Office or Facility Renovations
Anything in excess or beyond reasonable variation of standard and not having senior management approval is considered "prohibited" and not acceptable for implementation. Examples include expenditures for specialty or antique furniture, customized finishes, and construction of non-standard office sizes or private restrooms.


John Thain Awarded The One Bonus That Can *Never* Be Clawed Back

When people think of John Alexander Thain, as people surely often do, lots of thinks come to mind. High school wrestling. Competitive bee-keeping. Masterful stewardship of Wall Street firms. $68,179 19th Century Credenzas. $35,000 commodes. $28,091 curtains. $87,784 area rugs. $1,405 garbage cans. A keen eye for interior design and fabulous taste in general. Though we knew the current CIT Group chief executive officer was a father, we probably wouldn't have included his parenting skills on a list his noted attributes and accomplishments, only because he has too many to mention. Apparently this represents a gross oversight because John Thain? Is a phenomenal dad. Award-winning, in fact. he National Father’s Day Committee, an entity of the Father’s Day/Mother’s Day Council, each year confers Father of the Year Honors on contemporary lifestyle leaders of our culture whose lives are dedicated to family, citizenship, charity, civility, responsibility and reverence. The funds raised by our Annual Father of the Year Awards Presentation are directed to the support of worthwhile concerns affecting men, fathers, and families. The objective of our program is to enhance the meaning of Father’s Day and encourage universal observance. 2012 Honorees include: Oscar Feldenkreis, Reynold Levy, Shaquille O'Neal, and John Thain. An award of this magnitude of course deserves a little more than a press release, so naturally, there will be a luncheon and presentation on June 14. Until then, the group is accepting nominations to add to the list, so if you think any of your favorite dads have been overlooked, do speak up today. Ken Lewis could use this. Father Of The Year Awards [M&D via BI]