Under The Right Conditions, Imagine How Masterfully This Guy Could Massacre A Food Eating Challenge

Author:
Updated:
Original:

The Times has an exposé today on Mayor Bloomberg's eating disorder, the fallout from which the city of New York is suffering. Basically Hizzoner binge and purges constantly and on really bad days looks in the mirror and thinks "you don't deserve a third term because you're a fat fat fattie fat." The crescendo of the piece is the accompanying slideshow, entitled "The Mayor In Snack Mode," in which the Gray Lady presents us with close ups of Mikey Boy literally shoving food in his mouth (chicken wings? pizza? don't mind if I do!), after noting that just the sight of an unflattering picture can trigger foul moods and episodes of gluttonous ecstasy, followed by starvation, practically ensuring the guy's going to knock over a 7-11 tonight after work. It's pretty uncool of the paper, of course, and not very sensitive, but obviously our minds immediately turned to how we could exploit the Bloomie's skills for sport. Has Oyster Boy met his match? Pretty confident Mike would've actually had the Munchkins swallowed and digested by the buzzer. No special ruling necessary.

HE dumps salt on almost everything, even saltine crackers. He devours burnt bacon and peanut butter sandwiches. He has a weakness for hot dogs, cheeseburgers, and fried chicken, washing them down with a glass of merlot.
As a billionaire in one of the dining capitals of the world, he can eat anything he wants. But he is obsessed with his weight -- so much so that the sight of an unflattering photo of himself can trigger weeks of intense dieting and crankiness, according to friends and aides.

Related

First Food Eating Challenge Of 2013: Underway

It's another vending machine challenge and you know how we feel about those (too much time, not enough food, doesn't put hair on anyone's chest) BUT it does involve a contract (described as "amazing" by the half of Dealbreaker that was at one time licensed to practice law in New York), the terms of which state that in the event of a loss, the loser will pay for a lunch he's not invited to, so we've got award points for that.