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Allen Stanford Suffers Another Blow, George Soros Not So Much

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This one didn't come at the hands of a fellow inmate but everyone on the inside would be wise to stay out of Sir Stan's way to today, as odds are he is in a mood. One word-- and I mean one!-- and you're gonna get punched in the mouth. We knew this was coming but no one could've prepared us for what it would feel like to see that Stanford, officially, was not named one of the Forbes 400. The incarcerated Ponzier told ABC in April that what's been so upsetting to him through this entire ordeal of being accused of fraud is not the going to prison part (it's actually not that bad), not the dragging of his name through the mud, and not the loss of his investors' trust. What really chafes-- and what brought him to tears at the time and probably still now-- is that the actions taken by the SEC "deprived" him of being publicly recognized as one of the richest guys in the world. So what you can do right now, Mary Schapiro, is go to hell. Go to hell and die.
And yet! We are pleased to a whole bunch of our favorite money managers made the cut! Despite many of them taking it up the tailpipe last year, they were able to pull through, which brings us immesurable joy. Hopefully their investors can "big picture" it and see things the same way, particularly those in Kensington and Wellington. It's not all about you. Just be happy for him. Lastly, we're told PTJ has decided that this achievement will be the thing that finally gets him to make his fantasy of fucking on a bed of fried chicken* a reality. There's no other way to properly celebrate. Sign up now.

*Or should it be a handy in the bathroom of the Norwalk KFC (his prefered location)? I couldn't decide.


Lawyer: George Soros Reserves His Strength To Plow Through Large Numbers Of Women, Not To Throw Lamps At Them (Like They Do To Him)

If you were to have told me in August 2011 that a story about George Soros's love life involving women 60 years his junior, "on again, off again non-exclusive relationships," dream apartments, broken promises, and broken lamps would still be unfolding 19 months later and getting better at each turn I would have told you to check yourself. And yet it has! With an amazing update that involves George Soros allegedly being assaulted with the light fixture he allegedly assaulted his non-exclusive girlfriend with and an official reminder that George Soros has had sex with more women by 9AM than most people have in their entire lives.