By all accounts Bernie Madoff's a pretty mild-mannered guy who loves to laugh and will dance his face off in the right setting. Cross him, however, and he will fuck up your universe. Some unnamed shmo inside the Butner, NC federal prison learned this the hard way last week. Details are scant but the Post reports that Ponzi boy and a fellow inmate were discussing the "state of the market" during free time in the yard. The debate got heated and things escalated quickly. Frustrated with Madoff's verbal sparring skills, the other guy decided to make this thing physical and pushed Berns, who shoved back "with both hands," causing his opponent to stumble. Then, when the attacker tried to get up, Madoff "hovered over him red-faced and glaring," according to eyewitnesses, and the Master of Ponz, now dubbed Bernie "The Bruiser" Madoff was declared the winner. Obviously at this time we need to fill in some missing info.
1. What were the two actually arguing about? The shape of the recovery (the attacker said V, Bernie said B)? Whether or not the stimulus is working? Who would win in a cleave-off, Amanda Drury or Tits Caruso Cabrera?
2. What are the other guy's credentials, i.e. where does he come off thinking he can wax poetic on the markets with Berns? Did he ever run his own Ponzi scheme? Is he a Goldman alum? Former CNBC commentator?
3. When things got physical, were the other prisoners all circled around them, cheering Madoff on?
4. Were the phrases "I'll eat your asshole," "I'll fuck you 'til you love me," "I'll fuck your ass in front of everybody," or "You wouldn't last two minutes in my world, white boy" uttered?
4. When Bernie was "hovering" over the guy, did he spit on him?
5. Not a question so much as a request-- we need a better nickname than "The Bruiser" for the new king of the yard.