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Money Never Sleeps Star Not Big Hit In Hot Hedge Fund Mom Circles

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To: Dealbreaker
From: [redacted]
Subject: Shia LaBeouf
Most unhappy with Mr. LaBeouf yesterday. He was filming in front of a co-op at 66th and Park. My daughter is ten and between takes the crew was nice enough to let her get close to him. He was sitting in a red Prius looking very very nervous about his next scene which was difficult- sitting in the passenger seat of a car as it drove up to the co-op. Anyway, we got about 10 feet from him, my daughter waved, smiled and he just sat there completely mortified to realize his fan base is a bunch of tweens. I actually think I saw him sweating, the little runt. How can this teenage guy (who weighs 95 pounds) represent Wall Street?! Very puzzling casting decision.

PS: I'm an Upper East Side mom who works at a hedge fund so I'm probably not in LaBeouf's target audience myself but have to say, even as a hot divorcée who would do pretty much anything at this point, I would NOT hit it.