First off, we weren't even going to mention obscenities that appeared on the front page of the Journal today. Obviously, I'm talking about this:
Why? Because we're an upstanding financial publication with standards, unlike the smut factory Rupert Murdoch is running. But then a few things happened. 1) You people would not stop e-mailing us about it. 2) I started to realize that this wasn't just some accidental slip of the tongue on the headline writer's part but a calculated course of action to send us a serious coded message about what's been a' poppin' over at the Galleon Group (The scribes brought it on home by beginning the third paragraph thusly: "Parts of that network appear to have turned on the billionaire investor"). 3) I found myself with time on my hands, given that Raj is yet to call us back to talk shop (tried him at the office twice and a few times at home; his assistant seemed flustered and in chatting with the wife, I'm prettay prettay prettay sure I detected some growing irritation on her part, though she claimed she'd pass on the message we'd called). So, I did what anyone in my position might do, and uncovered some of the rejected headlines the Journal originally wanted to go with but were sadly prohibited from using. I don't have them all so if you caught wind of any, let us know below.
* Colleagues Finger Bang Billionaire
* Colleagues Fist Billionaire
* Colleagues Screw Billionaire
* Colleagues Fuck The Shit Out Of Billionaire
* Colleagues Make Good On Threat To Fuck Billionaire 'Til He Loves Them