Calling All You Hedge Fund Angels: Greenwich, Connecticut Needs You, ASAP

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Updated:: Jan 14, 2019
Original:: Nov 24, 2009

Think the worst is over? Think again. Greenwich, CT is probably going to be forced to cut back on its Christmas lights this year, having only raised $30,000 for a display that costs a minimum of $45,000 to put on, if we're talking bare bones, $60,000 if we want it done up right. Over 2,000 letters have been sent out begging for more money, so far to no avail, while organizer Mary Ann Morrison is already saying she may have to get rid of lights entirely on long stretches of Greenwich Avenue (this is not simply a matter of dimming). And yet, first Selectman Peter Tesei seems unconcerned about the whole thing.

"I'm sure that some angel will come down to provide the money to put them up," Tesei said. "I'm optimistic that will happen."

It sort of sounds like he has an angel in mind already, doesn't it? Typically when you think of Christmas in Greenwich, you think of Paul Tudor Jones and the PTJ Lightshow ExtravaganzaTM. Obviously he's got the 30g's, but why would he want to help out a Christmas show that wasn't his own? Clearly Tesei is thinking this is a job for a slightly Jewier messenger of God, swathed in fleece. The clock is ticking. Fire up the Zamboni, put your wings in the sidecar, and get your ass down here.

Exhibit A: Friday morning at AQR, August 10. Cliff Asness glanced pensively at a candy-colored array of Marvel superhero figurines lined up along his east-facing window. Spiderman. Captain America. The Hulk. Iron Man. Comic book heroes of his boyhood days on Long Island.--The Quants, by Scott Patterson, page 100. On an August morning, Asness walks to his sun-dappled office windowsill and picks up a Captain America action figure. The hedge-fund mogul owns a panoply of action heroes, from the Hulk to the Silver Surfer, and the comic books that spawned them.--Bloomberg Markets Magazine, October 7, 2010 "Hedge funds charge far too much in general by claiming to be geniuses," says Asness, lounging on a sofa in his corner office, surrounded by foot-high plastic models of comic book heroes.--Fortune, December 19, 2011 As a child, Clifford Scott Asness gave no sign of his future as a Wall Street tycoon. He was born in October 1966 in Queens, New York. When he was four, his family moved to the leafy suburban environs of Roslyn Heights on Long Island. In school Asness received good grades, but his interest in Wall Street didn’t extend beyond the dark towers of Gotham in the pages of Batman. Obsessed with little besides girls and comic books, Asness was a listless teenager, without direction and somewhat overweight. At times he showed signs of a violent temper that would erupt years later when he sat at the helm of his own hedge fund.--The Quants, by Scott Patterson, page 12. “His super-villains are intellectual dishonesty and ignorance,” says Jonathan Beinner, a managing director at Goldman Sachs Group Inc. and a former classmate of Asness. “When someone offers an opinion that Cliff feels is incorrect or dishonest, whether it be related to investments, politics or pizza, he feels it is his duty to stand up, even if it’s not in his best interest.” Asness admits to a superhero complex. His favorite Marvel comic book character is Captain America, who gains strength with the help of a secret serum and whose shield can be used as an indestructible weapon. Asness has an image of the shield tattooed on his left arm.--Bloomberg Markets Magazine, October 7, 2010 Exhibit B: The above is a rendering of a Batcave that will soon be built in the home of an unnamed Greenwich resident. When it is completed in Novemeber, the spread will include "a Batcomputer, Batmobile, Batsuits, 180 degree film screen, sound effects, gargoyles and even a Bat-themed elevator." The problem? This guy is not only infringing on Asness's territory as resident super hero obsessive/aficionado/scholar-in-residence/neighbor who dresses up and role-plays his character of choice but is apparently too cowardly to show his face or reveal his name so that Cliff might confront him. The other problem? Captain America doesn't have some kind of cool underground lair setup of his own. The only recourse? Someone spends the next couple weeks writing a series of fan fiction that describes his house, and then spends $20 million to have that built. Greenwich Resident Building $2 Million Batcave In Home [CTNews] Dark Knight superfan spends $2MILLION creating home cinema replica of Bruce Wayne's cave [DM]