Goldman Sachs Does Fast Damage Control On Cat Story-- What Else Can We Get Them To Do?

Author:
Updated:
Original:

Earlier this morning, a report came out that Goldman Sachs, after promising to pay the vet bills and find homes for five kittens discovered on the site of their new headquarters this past August, had neither paid the bills nor found houses for those cats. Now, like magic, Goldman has put out a statement* that the vet has been paid off, and the cats adopted. And that got us thinking-- for a while now Goldman has been uncharacteristically trying to ingratiate itself to the public, and after this weekend's latest attempt kind of backfired, they're getting desperate. The old Goldman wouldn't have thought twice about being accused of leaving those pussies out the cold but the new Goldman, sensitive to the hate, make it its first priority to squash any indication that they are anything but saintly. They want to keep us happy and they seem to be going to great lengths to make that happen. Basically we've got them right where we want them and I'd like to see what else we can get out of them.


Did Lloyd Blankfein promise you penthouse? A visit to the secret underground lair where he and Paulson (John, Hank has no business being there) decide the fate of all humanity, just so you could say you've been there? Dinner with Alan Greenspan? The answer to where he's hiding Osama Bin Laden? Tim Geithner, at your birthday party, for the dunk tank portion of the evening? Whatever he's failed to make good on, let us know now and we'll see if we can shame them into making it happen.
*Naturally, it was noted by the Masters that "they are now the luckiest kittens in Manhattan," because even cats know if you're going to be adopted you want to get taken in by a Goldman employee and not some Citi or Bank of America riff-raff of an owner.

Related

Goldman Sachs Can Fix This

A week ago today, a man named Greg Smith resigned from Goldman Sachs. As a sort of exit interview, Smith explained his reasons for departing the firm in a New York Times Op-Ed entitled "Why I Am Leaving Goldman Sachs." The equity derivatives VP wrote that Goldman had "veered so far from the place I joined right out of college that I can no longer in good conscience say I identify with what it stands for." Smith went on to note that whereas the Goldman of today is "just about making money," the Goldman he knew as a young pup "revolved around teamwork, integrity, a spirit of humility, and always doing right by our clients." It was a culture that made him "love working for the firm" and its absence had stripped him of "pride and belief" he once held in the place. While claiming that Goldman Sachs has become virtually unrecognizable from the institution founded by Marcus (Goldman) and Samuel (Sachs), which put clients ahead of its own interests, is hardly a new argument, there was something about Smith's words that gave readers a moment's pause. He was so deeply distraught over the differences between the Goldman of 2012 and the Goldman of 2000 (when he was hired) that suggested...more. That he'd seen things. Things that had made an imprint on his soul. Things that he couldn't forget. Things that he held up in his heart for how Goldman should be and things that made it all the more difficult to ignore when it failed to live up to that ideal. Things like this: