Goldman Sachs Stiffs Kittens

Goldman Sachs has gone on record to say that contrary to popular belief, the bank does not start each morning by clubbing baby seals in the basement of 85 Broad. Today the progress God's workers made ingratiating themselves to the animal community is flushed down the toilet, with the news that while marine mammals get a pass, kittens with no place to go? Let them die in the streets, even if they were discovered in GS-owned cathouse.
According to a report by The Villager, five kittens were born this past August in the firm's not yet completed new headquarters downtown. At the time Goldman said it would pay for the kitties' vet bills and encourage employees to adopt the furballs. Three months later, none of them have a home, and the cat doctor is still awaiting payment. Now. Truth be told, we personally can understand that not everyone likes cats, as they're fairly creepy. It's not like Goldman abandoned a bunch of puppies in which case we'd advise every GS'er to get out of town, ASAP. And, by all accounts, Lloyd's a parakeet guy. But the fact remains that those jerks used these things to come off all warm and fluffy to the public. What kind of sick fucks would do something like that? Goldman, apparently. They acted like they cared when in fact they don't give a rat's ass. This makes Goldman a liar. Capital "L", small "i", small "a", small "r", period. And now, we need to review everything else they've ever told us, and ask ourselves, what else have they been lying about? Maybe they doclub baby seals. Maybe, despite what they've said, egomaniacs actually are employed at 85B. MAYBE THEY REALLY DID NEED THE TARP MONEY.

Goldman Sachs Charged With Abandoning Kittens [NYM]