Updated:

Jan 14, 2019

Original:

Nov 18, 2009

John Thain Says He Never Threw A Chair, Is Willing To Take Bank Of America CEO Job

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We've been saying for a while that John Thain is the ideal candidate to take over Bank of America, as a) he's unemployed and b) he could use his power to equip every men's room with the line of urinal cakes bearing Ken Lewis's mug he's been working on in his spare time. Yesterday at the Reuters Global Finance Summit, JT finally got on board. He didn't specifically name-check the bank no one wants to run but obviously the admission that he's looking for a job in private equity "or perhaps a public company" was wink-wink for the board to get in touch, as was the "call me" gesture. (Thain further hinted that BAC is at the top of his "dream gigs" list by elaborating for any headhunters in the audience that he's looking for a "challenge." Read between the lines Lewis and tell JT how his ass taste.) After making sure everyone in the audience had a copy of his resume, Thain moved on to address another issue that's been weighing on him for a while now, which is the hideous suggestion by the Times that at one point during his time at Merrill "he halted a meeting with his chief financial officer and hurled a chair against the wall, shattering a nearby glass panel."

"That was 100 percent made up," he said. "Do I seem like a guy who throws chairs?" asked Thain. "That conference room doesn't even have a glass wall," he added.

Plus, HELLO? Who here doesn't know by now that an enraged Thain slips into a onesie and horrifies onlookers by shadow wrestling on the mat, not by throwing furniture.

When people think of John Alexander Thain, as people surely often do, lots of thinks come to mind. High school wrestling. Competitive bee-keeping. Masterful stewardship of Wall Street firms. $68,179 19th Century Credenzas. $35,000 commodes. $28,091 curtains. $87,784 area rugs. $1,405 garbage cans. A keen eye for interior design and fabulous taste in general. Though we knew the current CIT Group chief executive officer was a father, we probably wouldn't have included his parenting skills on a list his noted attributes and accomplishments, only because he has too many to mention. Apparently this represents a gross oversight because John Thain? Is a phenomenal dad. Award-winning, in fact. he National Father’s Day Committee, an entity of the Father’s Day/Mother’s Day Council, each year confers Father of the Year Honors on contemporary lifestyle leaders of our culture whose lives are dedicated to family, citizenship, charity, civility, responsibility and reverence. The funds raised by our Annual Father of the Year Awards Presentation are directed to the support of worthwhile concerns affecting men, fathers, and families. The objective of our program is to enhance the meaning of Father’s Day and encourage universal observance. 2012 Honorees include: Oscar Feldenkreis, Reynold Levy, Shaquille O'Neal, and John Thain. An award of this magnitude of course deserves a little more than a press release, so naturally, there will be a luncheon and presentation on June 14. Until then, the group is accepting nominations to add to the list, so if you think any of your favorite dads have been overlooked, do speak up today. Ken Lewis could use this. Father Of The Year Awards [M&D via BI]

In February 2010, a year after he'd been fired from Bank of America Merrill Lynch for redecorating his office with $90,000 area rugs, $1,500 garbage cans, and $20,000 light fixtures, and just before he started his job as CEO of CIT Group, John Thain made a bold claim. "I think I'll keep my office exactly the way it is," he told Bloomberg TV. At the time, we went on record saying that there was no way Thain would stick to this pledge, because like any other junkie with a substance abuse problem-- in Thain's case, fabulous furniture-- he was at the stage of the recovery process when you have no idea how truly brutal and demanding the road ahead will be. You want to overcome the demons, and you'll certainly try, but you're naive enough to think that you're bigger than the drugs and it'll happen on the first attempt. We assumed that, like most fiends, he would relapse at least once or twice, especially considering the high risk environment he was about to go into, which was the hideous office of his predecessor at CIT, a place that had never met good taste. Today, however, we stand corrected. According to Fox Business News' Senior Interior Decorator Charlie Gasparino, who first rose to fame with his report on Thain's decorating spree at Merrill, JT has kept his word. "Sources tell the FOX Business Network that Thain’s new office is a low-key affair, far different than the $1.22 million renovated palace he had as CEO of Merrill Lynch that became the object of scorn during the financial crisis. ‘Lots of plastic and formica, and no expensive paintings or area rugs,’ is how one visitor described it to FOX Business. Gone are the $35,000 ‘commode on legs’ and $1400 ‘parchment waste can,’ according to one person with direct knowledge of the matter. ‘It looked like an insurance office…he seems to have learned his lesson,’ this person said.” He may have broken out in hives for the first three weeks, he may have wanted to rip the wallpaper down in a psychotic rage, he may have been serious when he came home after Day 1 and told his wife, "I may have to quit my job tomorrow," but, god damn it, he stuck to his promise and for that we should reward him. CIT GROUP CEO JOHN THAIN’S OFFICE LOOKS “FAR DIFFERENT” FROM MERRILL LYNCH OFFICE [FBN]

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